Dick Poetry: I Will Write You An Original Poem About Your Dick

Just a harpy showing off her talons. I like my toes in the sand, snow, or dirt, connected to the earth and sea. I'm barefoot almost always, which means my feet are perfectly imperfect, i.e. wear and tear, and calluses. Shoes of choice: flipflops or comfy boots, although I can pull off the occasional heel. Foot Size: US 11 Wide



Ok, so I'm mostly into posting feet content, because I have feet, and they're giant, and I think making the content is super fun and I like weirding the neighbors out (making things awkward is LIFE). The rest of this place tho... omg... you guys....

About me: I'm overweight but "on the journey" and 30lbs down so far, but still pretty fluffy. I was 265, and now I'm 230. My bra size is a tight 40DDD, but I still try to cram them into DD bras.

I'm a X-lennial meaning I can remember a time before internets and cell phones. I'm way closer to 40 than 50. I'm told I look 39. Grew up with conservative parents but now my blonde hair is blue (or purple or pink or green or orange) hair and I have tattoos I regret. I unironically love Fall Out Boy and Jim Croce. My eyes are blue and there up here, damn it. Self portrait: 👁👄👁

I'm laid back and friendly. Sometimes funny. I can offer BFF (best friends forever) type experiences, but you'll forever be in the friend zone. I'm a social lover of expensive bourbon/whiskey/scotch, craft beers, and PBR. Matt Berry is my current celebrity crush.

I love my husband but he would be mortified if he found out that I was on here selling my used granny panties and honestly I think that's funny as all hell. I love him and respect *most* of his boundaries though so I will never show my face, I will never make nude content, and I will never talk dirty to you. I'm awkward AF though so honestly that's probably for the best, unless you like long weird pauses then laughing in your face.

I'm into spiritual and psychedelic experiences, nerdy shit, but I work too much to be in-the-know.

If you wanna pay my rent I could learn to be an awkward Findom. I have no experience and it will likely be awkward, but heck, my rent will be paid wont it?


ALLERGY INFO:
My house has pets.
I like to eat things that contain peanuts.
I don't smoke, don't wear perfume, barely wear deodorant
I do burn expensive incense (not that blue box nag champa sh*it...)