Whether you are new or a veteran, a buyer or seller, alive or dead inside, boundaries are relevant to each of us! Respecting the boundaries of others isn’t a new concept to you, I’m sure. In early childhood, we learned boundaries such as “keep your hands to yourself,” but we were never taught how that translates online on a fetish platform (and if you were, please DM me to let me know you’re okay…). This blog post aims to educate and remind buyers and sellers alike about the importance of holding your own boundaries as well as respecting others boundaries here on ATW!
It seems a bit obvious at first glance, but let’s take a deeper look. Boundaries are an individual’s personal limits, and they can be soft or hard (get your mind out of the gutter!). Soft limits are boundaries that someone puts in place that can potentially be broken under certain circumstances. For instance, I don’t usually do videos, however, if someone is willing to pay more for that service, I am more inclined to move that boundary to accommodate that person. Hard limits are a definite “no” no matter what. For example, one of my hard limits is that I will not show my face. Although my bio states this and I communicate this directly, some buyers still pressure me to do a face reveal, which makes me feel uncomfortable and disrespected. Please don’t ask people to do things they don’t want to do. No means no. You’re not getting any closer to getting what you want, you’re getting closer to getting blocked or banned. Remember, if you respect others, others will respect you!
Creating our own limits can be difficult, especially when first starting out. The advice I would give is to listen to yourself and trust your instincts. Our feelings can also change from day to day – one day we may be excited to do something, but the next we may have changed our minds. This is completely normal and okay! Discovering your limits is an art, so you have to do some self-exploration (no, not the dirty kind this time!) to understand what revs your kink engine, and alternatively what makes you uncomfortable. Although you can ask others for advice, only you can determine your personal boundaries.
Although establishing boundaries is difficult in itself, it can be even harder to communicate your limits to others, sellers and buyers alike, especially when you fear the other person’s reaction. Keep in mind that you don’t owe anyone anything. You are not responsible for other people’s reactions, only your own. This means you also don’t owe anyone an explanation as to why you have a certain boundary if you don’t want to, but you should communicate what the boundary is. It’s a personal limit, and by communicating that, it strengthens your relationship with the other person. If they have a problem with your boundary, then you are not a good match for each other, which is fine! There are plenty of fish in the sea that is All Things Worn. You will find someone else (or many others!) that can accommodate your needs to have a safe, consensual online relationship. By respecting your own boundaries, you are also respecting others, and that’s how we strengthen our community here on ATW!
This means that you shouldn’t take it personally when someone expresses or has limits to what they’re comfortable with. As I mentioned earlier, boundaries are not stationary, they can change! When I was just starting out as a new seller, I said yes to more things than I was comfortable with just to make a sale. Since then, I have learned that respecting my own boundaries are more important than making a sale doing something beyond my comfort level. Now I say no to things that I used to say yes to. It doesn’t mean anyone did anything wrong to me, it just means I understand myself better and am more comfortable saying no when I need to. It makes me a better seller, because I want to enjoy doing things for my buyers. This will strengthen our relationship and give them the highest quality product.
You are never obligated to do anything for anyone else that you don’t want to, and consent is always mandatory. Sellers, especially newbies, this means if you agree to do a service and get paid for it, but realize you’re in over your head, don’t pressure yourself to do it. Communication is key. Let your buyer know what’s up, and either offer a refund or an alternative service and work out a mutual arrangement to make things right for both of you.
Consent is mandatory for everyone on this site, which of course includes buyers. I was told by a buyer that although he has “sissy” in his username, it does not mean that he likes to be bombarded with degrading/humiliating messages from sellers. Please keep in mind that every buyer is different, and this extreme type of communication can be harmful, so be sure you have some sort of consent before sending messages like this. If someone’s profile doesn’t explicitly say humiliation or degradation, don’t come out with that right away.
Last note to buyers: please do not send unsolicited dick pics. You may ask the seller if you can send one, but if they say no, that’s a boundary that you should not cross. Most likely sellers will say yes, but we usually charge for this service, because it is indeed a service! If you don’t ask but send one anyway, you are more likely to be reported and blocked due to disregarding our consent.
Everyone makes mistakes. If you’ve crossed boundaries before, it doesn’t mean you can’t be better for future interactions. I myself have made mistakes, which is the primary reason I wanted to write this article and keep the line of communication open! As long as we keep this in mind and continue our best efforts to make ATW a safe and comfortable place to practice our kinks, it will be the strong, respectful community we all want it to be! I’m hoping this information can also be applicable to your daily life. It’s always important to practice safe boundaries no matter what kind of relationship it is.
If you have any questions or want to discuss this topic in further detail, please don’t hesitate to comment or DM me. Thank you for reading and for being a respectful member of our community here on ATW!
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