By Godmercy 424 views
I was 18 not thinking I was going to make it this far. There's something about not thinking you’d make it that stunts you as a person, both emotionally and spiritually. Not knowing what to do with my life, I turned to the one thing almost every new adult looks at least once: Selling Feet pics. That wasn’t all that I looked at for extra income. Things such as findom and becoming a lock-keeper caught my eye so I dove into that. I won't lie, it was difficult at first. If it weren’t for the great group of women who took me under their wings on Twitter I would have been a lost cause. It was that group that reinforced my trust in other women and sex workers. Then I found this amazing website called All Things Worn, and I’ve taken off and found my wings since.
On my 18th birthday, I made my very first NSFW Twitter account. I gained a total of 50 followers and a few friends I would talk to here and then. There I would experiment with different types of content, both written, pictures, and video. Slowly I started needing more rough and harder videos to finish. Later, I was drawn to a specific type of kink known as CNC (consensual non-consent), which I soon found to be leading me down a very dark rabbit hole I was not at all comfortable with. I engaged in very risky behavior and overall was in poor mental health, and so I decided to take a break from porn in general. It was within the first month I quit I could already see the differences. I had fewer dark thoughts, felt more comfortable in my body, stopped engaging with unsafe people, and really saw threw those who had little to no interest in my well-being. While keeping the few friends I had on there, I deleted Twitter (and Reddit) and started to focus on myself more white educating myself on the different types of kinks and fetishes there were, finding interest in the way the human psyche can develop and how pleasure and pain are intertwined. I never once looked back on my decision, instead, I took that energy and focused it on educating myself and looking into becoming a sex therapist. Something I’m still considering to this day.
At 19 I was full swing in my Findom era. I made accounts on all social media, read up on the different styles of domming, and did research on different types of cucks and pay pigs. Anything you’d need to be prepared for that style of kink I was well-versed in. Still, something didn’t feel quite right. I found my texting and degrading to fall flat almost, I tried to brand myself as a God (which I’ve found I quite enjoyed) and have these piggies repent for their sins by ‘praying and paying’ as I put it. My first send came from a blackmail sub, someone who would post degrading pictures of himself and tag certain accounts he’d want to see, then delete them minutes later. I found this challenge fun and posted a small bit of his blackmail with the caption “You have an hour to send or else I’m leaking this photo”. He sent it in less than 10 minutes, then begged me to delete it. I made him send me another $20 just to do that. I found this amount of control exhilarating and honestly extremely attractive. Having this amount of control over a man of all people? Someone twice my age with a huge wallet and a tiny dick with a scratch for being degraded? Now this I could get with.
From then on I went around my vanilla life with my back straight and head up. I rode out that high for the next week. Then I would be sent small coffee send from anonymous subs with little money they could afford to spend. I found the dedication to worshipping extremely attractive. Even the smallest sends mean something when they come from a tiny wallet. There is beauty in this type of worship. To fund a beautiful woman because you understand her superiority over you? To kiss the ground she walks on and hand money to her while she kicks you in the balls for her amusement is truly an acquired taste I’ve taken a liking to. And yet I still felt insincere. There was something I didn’t quite like about the way I would talk to these sweet men, a hole in my heart where sweetness and gentleness were needed. I felt the urge to take care of my subs past an aftercare. Could I really appeal to men when so many were into the harshness of hard dommes?
I decided to talk to one of the ladies I met on Twitter about this, and that was when I was introduced to soft domming. She was a Mommy-Dom of sorts, someone who took gentle care of their subs while still toying with them. I found myself in love with this type of domming, something to perfectly intertwine my love for sadism and my gentle, bleeding heart. And so I set off to change my style on All Things Worn. With a new bio, revamped listings, and a handful of regular clients, I was feeling good. Still, there were issues to be handled. While attracting more due to my genuine nature, subs were dropping left and right after sessions. One regular who was extremely compatible with me was experiencing bad sub drop and leaving before any aftercare or conversation. We tried discussing chastity options to help him control the drop, then he would leave again. On the other side of that coin, there was a man buying my socks who I talk to every day, a real gentleman who has shown me not only my worth but how I should be treated. I wouldn’t trade him for the world!
The thing I’ve learned working in this kind of field is that you have to be true to yourself. Find what makes you comfortable, reach out to like-minded people, and don’t be afraid when clients drop. All of this has made up the beautiful experience I have had while finding myself through kink.
God of Mercy, sweet boys and baby subs will always have a place in my heart 🖤 Scared to try something for the first time? Need a softer, loving change...
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