How the Fat Kid of Evangelical Parents Ended up on ATW

Seller Sellers’ Perspective How the Fat Kid of Evangelical Parents Ended up on ATW

Sheltered and Ashamed

I imagine my history to be quite similar to other sellers on here - learning from a young age that as women in particular, we should be ashamed of our bodies and our sexualities, that we only exist to please men, and that our wants and desires are secondary to those of others. You see, I grew up in a conservative Christian family in the US. My grandfather was a fire and brimstone Baptist preacher, and every relative I have votes Republican. My early life was sheltered. I was bought a book on my “changing body” when I started my first period, but I wasn’t allowed to listen to anything other than worship music and smooth jazz - the latter of which was taken away after a Viagra commercial aired on the radio station one night.

Everything I read and consumed was filtered through a strong religious lens, and I became wary of the outside world and its “wicked ways”. Sex, to me, was something to inherently fear, a taboo act that was restricted to marriage between a man and a woman. So when I started developing feelings for both men AND women, I was terrified. I pushed it down and denied my feelings for so long, praying that God would “fix” me. This obviously didn’t work, and eventually, I came out as bisexual to my parents. They asked me what they had done wrong as parents for me to stray so far from God’s path for me. Again, sexuality was something to be feared and contained. I think my real sexual awakening happened when I went to university for my undergraduate degree. I had always had an interest in men, but suddenly, I found myself completely and utterly head over heels for one of my women professors, and I didn’t know how to cope. Everything in my brain told me that this was sinful, even though I didn’t subscribe to religion by that point, and I repressed these feelings for so long.

Because of this repression, when I did enter into relationships, I craved the attention and the intimacy in such unhealthy ways. I went for men who only wanted a submissive partner who would also be their mother, taking care of them whilst simultaneously seeing myself as beneath them. Consequently, I went through some pretty horrific things in relationships that left me with PTSD. Again, from talking to other sellers, I think this isn’t a unique situation. Many of us have faced some really terrible abuse – either mentally, verbally, or sexually – and you would think that these experiences would make us run from anything sexually explicit.

Why ATW?

So, with all this in mind, why am I on ATW?

Dear reader, ATW has allowed me to feel FREE. I discovered in my last relationship that I was a switch, and while that was used against me to some degree and pushed my boundaries in ways that I sometimes found uncomfortable, I finally felt like I was able to start expressing myself a bit more. Moving across the pond to England from the USA further cemented my ability to express myself and explore. I had my first relationship with a woman, found my one and only (who happened to be a guy), and finally, eventually, began to feel like I was getting to know myself.

But there was something missing. I felt like I was still living this boring, “safe” life where I had to hide my kinks and desires, fearful - much like my childhood self - that too much self-expression would lead to my ultimate destruction. ATW has been such an answer to my questions about sex and sexuality. Through every conversation with both buyers and sellers, I’ve been able to explore things I never could have dreamed of, and my eyes have been positively opened to the limitless possibilities that await me in life. Whether I’m doing a panty wear - and getting hot and bothered thinking about my buyer receiving them - or filming a custom video and stretching my previous limits, I’ve come to love and respect myself so much.

Conclusion

As a fat girl who became a fat woman in a world that increasingly tries to silence women and taunt fat people, I have always felt like I didn’t have the right to take up space in life. Like I was an inconvenience. ATW has been an amazing confidence boost, reminding me that I’m allowed to have wishes and desires, fantasies and fun. For once in my life, I’m not confined by my body type but rather am allowed to completely and totally be myself.

Every conversation I have and connection I make with buyers and sellers alike reminds me that I have worth. And now I fully accept it.

In coming to ATW, I’ve not just regained a better understanding of my own sexuality; I’ve also reclaimed my body, my desires, and my self-confidence.