How to Handle Body Dysmorphia as A Sex Worker

Seller Motivational Sellers’ Perspective How to Handle Body Dysmorphia as A Sex Worker

My History of Mental Health

Growing up, I had a lot of issues with my body. At a young age, I was diagnosed with eating disorders and spent most of my time researching and trying diets and workouts in order to achieve my ‘perfect’ body image. Just before becoming an adult my eating disorder was swapped for Body Dysmorphic Disorder.

This means instead of spending days not eating, I would instead fixate on different perceived defects and flaws in my appearance. I would spend hours in front of the mirror, looking at every issue and picking out different things I hated about myself. Too much stomach pudge, stretch marks on my stomach, breasts, and thighs. Fat fingers, eye shape, pores, lines, and anything else my mind could come up with.

So, I bet you’re thinking, “Jae, if you have all these issue with yourself, how did you manage to become a sex worker?” Well let me tell you, it wasn’t easy. The key word in Body Dysmorphia is ‘perceived’. These defects and flaws I was noticing, were things only I could see.

My Sex Work Journey

It started when I got into BDSM. Suddenly my flaws were something people adored and wanted more of. I identify as a switch now, but when I was first starting out I mainly subbed. Having a soft Domme bathe me in worship and punish me when I was ‘disrespectful to her pet’ really helped me shift my point of view. Did it fix my disorder? No. I will never say that kink saved my mental health. But it did help me realize that it’s more in my head than actually out there in the world.

When I realized I was a switch and got into Domming, that was my entrance into the world of sex work. I offered sessions for payment and contracted my first long-term Sub. With him, I learned to allow myself to be worshiped, perceived flaws or not. Maybe I didn’t like the way I looked, but I knew other people definitely did.

I still have bad days, there are days where you won’t see me post or I just repost listings to keep the momentum going. Sometimes I deny customs or skype sessions when I really do want to schedule those, all because of how I woke up that day and looked at myself with negative thoughts swirling inside my brain. But there are also days that I can ignore that and appreciate that while I don’t love all of me, there are some parts I definitely appreciate and know deserve the love I can give them.

So, how does this help you? Well, I’m hoping you learn a new point of view and gain a better mindset. Do I think sex work and BDSM and kink are an end all to mental illness? No. But I’m a firm believer that you can’t hold yourself back because of fear. Someone out there will adore everything you hate and want to make sure you know they do.

Tips to Combat Negative Thoughts!

Anytime anyone compliments you, write it down and put it somewhere safe. This can be pinned to a corkboard, folded up and dropped into a mason jar, or just written in a google doc. Who’s anyone? I mean anyone. Not just someone from the kink community or ATW, it can be a stranger, co-worker, family member, or friend. And don’t forget to accept the compliment, brushing it off doesn’t count!

Say one nice thing about yourself in the morning when you wake up and at night before you go to sleep. For me, this ‘nice thing’ is sometimes just “You made it through the day” so don’t think too hard about it. I’ve woken up, looked in the mirror, and said “Wow, Jae, even when your hair is a mess those curls are POPPING!” Seriously, don’t over think your nice things.

Go outside your comfort zone every once in a while. Now, I’m not saying you need to go against your morals or anything. I’m just saying sometimes you might surprise yourself with what you’re into! Kink wise, I recently had an amazing ballbusting chat with a buyer and he made me realize I’m a bit more into it than I originally thought I was. That conversation was a step outside of my normal comfort kinks but damn if I didn’t feel powerful and sexy during and after it!

For my buyers and sellers with body issues and mental illnesses surrounding your self image, I challenge you to worship yourself physically. Set the mood; play some nice music, light a candle, grab your favorite toy, and just go at it. Touch all over your body, find a place you didn’t know you enjoyed loving and keep exploring. This can connect your mind and body sensually and allow for a new mindset to spark and settle in. I’ve never felt more sexy than when I turned the camera off and just did what I wanted to do for a good hour.