My screen name was chosen in honor of a piece of history. In Greece, they used to worship a pantheon named Astarte, a goddess they modelled after the Mesopotamian god(ess) Ashtart and Ishtar. This goddess represented sex, love, war, justice, political power, and healing. She would be worshipped for roughly nine centuries all over the globe.
Somewhere along the way, her image was warped in Judaism, and they were written as the male demon Astaroth. Judaism proclaimed that this demon represented laziness, self-doubt, and rationalized philosophies, while others say he represented mathematical science, handicrafts, and clarity.
As a trans man, whose been doing various forms of sex work for seven years, I see myself and my life journey reflected in this story. When I first started sex work, I was eighteen years old. I was still acting as a woman in my sex work and only halfway out of the closet in my personal life. As I discovered myself and grew, I came out to a handful of fans who took it well and supported me. I have no idea where they are now, but their support was vital in knowing I could be who I was and still have fun doing sex work.
Sometimes I struggle with feeling desirable when comparing myself to where I started. It was only recently when I realized it was not only my gender that made me so popular but my age at the time.
My gender dysphoria often gets in the way of my performance and overlaps with my body dysmorphia. Sometimes I do not feel like I pass enough or am the wrong shape. Or my junk is not as lovely as other trans mascs.
When I started transitioning, I had a somewhat toxic idea of what I should look like to be gendered correctly. I set impossible and unhealthy body goals, dressed in baggy clothing, and lost all sense of self-expression, all to pass as a man.
It was not until I started to see more men, both cisgender (a person whose sense of personal identity and gender corresponds with their assigned gender at birth) and transgender, embracing traditionally feminine forms of self-expression that I also felt more comfortable doing so.
The pandemic also introduced small-framed cisgender men being misgendered from the eyes up, and knowing that there are flamboyant cisgender men out there that also sometimes get misgendered has made it easier for me to feel like I do not have to pass to be valid.
I still do things to feel comfortable in my gender expression, such as masculine contouring, the right camera angles, wearing and customizing binders, leaning into my deepening voice, and using masculine titles for myself and my parts.
I like to think of myself as a safe place for people to explore their sexuality if you approach me with respect. It is possible to approach trans creators with respect even if you have not had any experience interacting with them before. Almost every trans creator is upfront about their gender identity, and their pronouns can often be found in their bios. If you are not sure, avoid gender altogether or simply ask.
Keep in mind not to let your feelings about your sexuality affect how you treat whichever trans creators you interact with. Recently I have encountered a man who thought it was appropriate to BEG me to keep my tits. I politely told him that he could enjoy viewing them while I had them, but they give me a lot of dysphoria, which can be distressing. He responded with more "buts" and "what ifs," and I blocked him after trying to help him understand a handful of times.
Being an assigned female at birth (AFAB), trans masc, gender non-conforming individual used to put me in an awkward position when categorizing porn. Generally, when people are looking for males in porn, they are looking for cock and balls, and up until recently, when people were looking for transgender porn, they were looking for trans women. With the exception of Buck Angel and Jock Pussy, trans masc adult entertainers are still relatively new to porn.
I get to own my sexuality and express myself in all the ways I want to. I love trying different forms of expression, from basic sexy selfies to weird and experimental videography. One of my favorite filmed erotica features full costume and makeup, and the room is flooded with a red/orange shifting light. I am a trans man, but I am also very feminine in my expression. This allows me to play with gender in my work, taking on fantasy roles like shape-shifting demons, fae folk, etc. Androgyny makes me feel sexy. Just as there are live-action fantasy roleplayers, actors, actresses, and cosplayers, getting dressed up and playing pretend has always been fun.
With the support of old friends and a new healthy environment, I have only recently started to lean into myself more. I am now more comfortable with my sexuality, my gender, and my self-expression than I have ever been. This is all thanks to seeing other trans masc and gender non-conforming sex workers; I feel sexy, seen, and represented because of them.
I hope that my work reaches someone like me and gives them that same courage and feeling of being represented. And with the help of AllThingsWorn, I have another avenue to explore and provide kink and fetish content; since joining, I have had an array of new ideas and different types of content I want to try. I can not wait to get started :)
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