A Guide to Time-Wasters

Rules & Guides Tips For Sellers

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You don’t have to have been selling your used panties for very long to encounter your first-time waster. In fact, if anything, you’re statistically more likely to experience them in your first few weeks. #science

Yes, guys that like to time waste are more likely to ‘target’ new sellers in the hope that they’ll be too wet behind the ears to recognise that is what is happening. I know, it sucks.

Time wasters are the curse of the panty seller. If you join any used panty selling platform or sellers’ group you’re likely to hear other sellers refer to notorious time wasters.

But just what/who are time wasters?

Are there guys out there whose sole purpose in life is to waste your time?

How do you know if you’re dealing with one?

What’s the best way to manage the situation?

So, First Thing’s First. What is a Time-Waster?

In the course of my interactions with other used panty sellers I get to see what most sellers class as time-wasters and I have to be honest, it appears there is a spectrum when it comes to the definition. I mean, not everyone seems to agree on what a time-waster is and a lot of buyers can get lumped into that category even if technically they aren’t (in my opinion).

For me, a time-waster is someone who has zero intention of buying from me but acts as if he will. Or someone who tries to get things from me for free.

But I have seen other panty sellers claim that a guy is a time-waster when he goes through the motions as if he’s going to purchase and then does not conclude the sale. On those occasions, most guys are likely just not to contact you again I.e. they ‘ghost’.

Now, I don’t count a ghoster as a time-waster. I mean, sure, you feel as though your time has been wasted but this kind of behaviour where a guy is looking as if he’s going to purchase and then he doesn’t is pretty common. We can all attest to going through the motions to buy something online and then just ditching the cart before we hit the checkout button!

But that’s not time-wasting. It’s frustrating but it’s not an intentional time-waste.

My definition of a time waster is when a guy deliberately leads you up the garden path with no intention of ever buying from you.

He is looking to get something without EVER having to pay anything. Whether that’s sexting, a reaction, you replying, free pics or just simply your attention on him whilst you read his messages.

That’s my definition.

So, there are guys who have a semblance of an intention to buy but for whatever reason they don’t. Whether that’s them finding another seller or just something coming up or they talk themselves out of following through on the purchase. Who knows what the reason is?

And then there are guys who have zero intention to buy. Probably ever.

A guy who asks me questions and then doesn’t buy is NOT strictly speaking a time-waster. He’s a guy who decided that he didn’t want to part with his cash for my item. Whether it was too expensive or not 100% what he wanted. That’s that. End of.

A certain amount of guys not following through with a purchase is ABSOLUTELY NORMAL and does not constitute time-wastery in my opinion. There has to be an element of interaction to make a purchasing decision. Right?

Here’s an analogy: you walk into a store, you ask the staff member some questions and then you decide not to buy. Are you a time-waster? No. You’re a customer that decided not to buy.

It’s important to be clear about that.

It does seem as if there are guys out there whose sole purpose in life is to log on to a platform and set out deliberately to waste your time.

I don’t suppose they log on to a platform saying “Now, whose time can I waste today?” 😊 They simply log on to fulfil THEIR desire which is getting something for nothing. Whether that’s to enjoy your pictures or see if you’ll respond to a message they send.

Mostly they want attention or they want to get off for free. That is their purpose. That is their intention. And that is what they are thinking about when they log on.

It could be you; it could be anybody. It might not even matter all that much. A reaction from someone. Attention from someone. A free pic even. That’s it, they’re happy. Unfortunately, this only ends up leaving you feeling used and frustrated and potentially taking it out on legitimate buyers

We, of course, see it from our seller perspective. We see that we’ve spent time chatting and that we’ve maybe even sent pictures of things they’ve asked for and it’s come to nothing. And so, our time is wasted. We label that person a time waster. They got what they wanted and we got no compensation for providing that.

And it feels unfair.

And it is unfair.

But you can mitigate that.

The ultimate way to deal with a time-waster is to not feel as if your time has been wasted.

Wait, what?

Now there are two parts to that. One, don’t tell yourself your time has been wasted. Two, don’t allow your time to be wasted. (I know, easier said than done.)

But following these principles has honestly saved my sanity.

When I shifted my attitude around time wasters, they just seemed to disappear. I mean, not completely! But I honestly didn’t experience nearly as many as I did before.

The most important step is to not tell yourself that your time has been wasted. Don’t affirm that over and over because that kind of thinking is going to create more of the same types of experience. Start telling yourself that you manage time-wasters with ease and no concern. That they are what they are and you don’t get bothered by them.

This is about reframing the experience.

But on a practical level, we have to make sure we literally do everything in our power to make sure that we don’t waste any more time than we have to turn a potential customer into an actual customer.

We’ll come to that.

The good news is the longer you’re in this game and the more times you have to deal with time wasters, the more adept you become at spotting them a mile off.

You're able to spot it and handle it before you even break a sweat. Sometimes you will be so proud of yourself for spotting it so soon. This also helps you to strengthen your intuition around buyers and can save you a lot of blood, sweat and tears in the long run. So if anything, the more you deal with them, the better you get at not having to deal with them!

It becomes easy to differentiate between someone that wants to get to know you better to feel comfortable buying from you and someone that just wants to get off for nothing.

So, What Do You Do if You Know You’re Dealing With a Time-Waster?

It suddenly clicks and you’ve given him the benefit of the doubt but now you’re certain it isn’t going to go anywhere.

Here’s what I do.

I don’t respond.

And here’s the thing:

Sometimes I REALLY want to respond. Like, if a guy is being a pain in the arse or trying to make things sexual or being disrespectful or otherwise annoying. Part of me really wants to respond. Part of me wants to respond to the outlandish messages that are designed to shock or offend or get a reaction from me.

Spoiler: sometimes that is precisely what they want. They want your annoyed or shocked response. That’s what’s getting them off!

But try not to succumb.

Everyone knows the best way to annoy a troll is to starve it of attention.

You want to know how to deal with time-wasters?

Disengage 100% in record time.

Because time-wasters (guys who have zero intention of ever rewarding you for having their needs met) will always come back if they are getting what they want.

Time wasters come with the territory. They actually are the territory. 😊

They are not enjoyable but they are there.

The quicker you drop them and do everything you can do to deter them, the better. But they will always be there. Moaning about it will do nothing to deter them!

Here Are my Top Tips on How You Can Deter Time-Wasters:

1. Have all information outlined on your profile and in your shop. It means you won’t have to spend time answering questions.
2. The same goes for your photos. You won’t have to send more to supposed interested customers if there are plenty right there on your shop page.
3. Do not EVER send any sexual pics for free. Ever. EVER.
4. Accept that time wasters will be there to test you – especially in the beginning.
5. Do not engage in sexual chat without payment.
6. If the conversation isn’t going anywhere or is going around in circles, disengage or use emojis or closed responses that don’t invite more unnecessary chit-chat.
7. Be firm but fair. You are not obligated to spend lots of time communicating with people unless you are genuinely enjoying the conversation. Platforms are platforms, they are a tool for buying and selling not making friends.
8. Disengage immediately from conversation once it becomes obvious it’s going nowhere. Do not expend any more time, energy or effort on time wasters.
9. If you have wasted time on a customer that didn’t end up buying, REFRAME it to be much needed sales and negotiating training. It’s not wasted time, you’ve honed new skills, even if those new skills are just ‘how to spot a time waster’

I hope that helps. Remember, you are the one with the power. Cash ain’t king, consent is!

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