Dominance, Submission, and Me

Seller BDSM Sellers’ Perspective

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I have decided to partake in blogging here because I need a place to get some things out and have discussions.

*This is a personal opinion blog post!*

Introduction

I get it- BDSM. Acronyms. Titles. Power. Dynamics. Dominance. Submission. Impact. Bondage. Pain. Restrictions. Aftercare. Abuse. Risk. Compliance. Rejection. Pleasure. Release. Connection. It's a big playground for 4 little letters, yet it provides a HUGE space for so many of us to explore. Do *I* climb the jungle Jim or do the shorties climb me?? What is your part of the playground you like most? Maybe you are in the next playground over look at us like 😬 🤔 😳. Or maybe you're watching 👀 🤔 😉 All I know is what has been graciously shared with me and MY perspective.

Before I start really going- this is MY experience, preferences, and understanding of where I fit in. Please keep that in mind, and none of this is advice. 🙃

TLDR: Bitch brat discusses meaning of dominance and submission from her own perspective out of sheer frustration for compliance-only based "ownership" rather than situational dominance and stops being nice when "doms" try to take and/or push back on limits. All of my experience is through a 'performative' lens, not a paid sex worker.

Jekyll and Hyde, who am I?

My preference is to be submissive but I am a huge bitch about it. Brat. Truly, I would like to hand myself over by a golden chain, rather than serve myself up on a silver platter, I just have not found someone worthy. Tomatoe, tomato. I consider myself to be one of those Boss Bitch Women who are dominant in life. I double majored in 4 years ( graduated before I was 22), got nationally certified (before 20) (only a third pass) and I was complimented by the higher ups, they STILL know my name and face, placed and hired at one of two facilities for what I do in the nation, started a career just after, developed many programs, taught at state conventions, mentored, and became so highly trained that I ended up coaching and consulting. I had my own car, career, paid my parents rent, all that adult nonsense by 25....without a man. So, I never needed a man before, I won't need one now. I *want* you. Note the difference. I've left dates because the man's behavior was awful, I pay for my own things, and no, men do not speak inappropriately to me. I've actually had to yell at a grown man so hard that two VERY accomplished soldiers spun on their heels and walked out just because they heard the ass chewing. Having someone be "dominant" is a thrilling agreement so I no longer have to have authority, control, and no more decisions to make. It's total release of myself into strong hands. I take no shit and I do not care to take your name either. One time a man pushed too far (tickling) and after I said no, pinned me under a desk. I choked him out.

I am a Daddy's Girl all the way to my core. He bought me diamonds as a little girl, and still gets me nice things 😌 . He taught me to shoot, drive, fix what I drive, build shit, argue, and to fear no man. Cue bad brat behavior with very little concern for punishments 😈 He fucked me up good, but set some high standards.

My current long-term partner is into 'vanilla sex.' Ironic. But, this dynamic has provided me a one in a million opportunity to view my sexual preferences as my own- not to impress a man. My amazing partner has planted me 7 rose bushes and has them hooked up to a water system that he dug by hand 😉. To say I am spoiled is just barely cutting it 😬 .

Switching to Domme:

Oh, be still my little slut, my tender clit misses you so. I miss his juicy ass. 😢 There is a man I played with, we had a fling a few years back. I am his Mistress- he still BEGS me to come over. Switching to being the Dominant myself in this realm has led to a new part of myself (the fun parts of supportive and positive communities- specifically ATW). Being his Domme flips the script and I get to explore him. I enjoy the work up to get us each in the head space. I do have to credit him for being such a good boy, he is SO eager to please and listens so well. I step so effortlessly into being the authority figure and lick him up. 😋

I have been 'studying' and listening from open people in BSDM communities and have been learning some of the emotional depth some Doms really can have. It is all spanks and fucks and fun, but just as I need the reassurance that I am not 'stupid' and you do still like me and help me with my marks, Doms also need to be reassured that they are trusted, that they are not 'bad.' Both sides may need aftercare, and it is critical to provide it. This makes complete sense, to me, as someone who needs the after care because I like to really get into headspaces. If my dominant is really in his space, maybe, just maybe, he needs a forehead kiss too.

What is even going on?

What does this mean for Dominance and Submission? Well, this confrontational barrier I put up often serves to keep people at a distance, gradually testing boundaries. Not everyone enjoys a brat intentionally pushing it, I get it. But, it is an open-hearted explanation of simply how serious Domination and Submission can be for me. I enjoy the mental and often therapeutic aspects if BDSM play, and I expect those who play with me, to be on the same emotional levels. When I play so seriously (choking/rough is never NOT serious, please be safe/informed) I want to know that you'll catch me when I trip and mean it. Taking care and having responsibility for me is the 'proving' I'm looking for when bratting. I have spent a lot of time proving my value when really it should be earned. Submission is the safe act of letting go all of my responsibilities, leadership, role, mental capacity, to someone who I trust. Switching and being his Domme allows me to explore the authority he gives me. I get to give directions and be the power I want. Many times in my professional life, I haven't had opportunities to be the well-rounded authority who meets everyone's needs, someone loses somehow- usually at my hands. It is a part of life, but I do not enjoy that. I enjoy the gift of his sweet ass and wrists with the diligence I expect of others.

Ok and??? Where is the frustration?

My frustration comes from "doms" who think a few messages telling me what to do 'right now' and roughly explicit messages somehow gets me to be COMPLETELY submissive with limits on my actual life. Did they forget we are online?? Did they think sex work is easy? Throw some money and be controlling? No. Who are you to speak to me like that!? How does demanding compliance to fufill only your nut make you a 'dom?' It does not, it makes you rude and entitled. Get. Out. Of. My. Face. A big amount of frustration comes from "doms" who seek to inflict pain *only* to inflict pain for their pleasure who do not build safety first and do not reassure of safety after. That is abuse when physical harm is pushed past the consenting party's limits. Emotionally too, but that is difficult to prove unfortunately. This could easily be solved by taking some time to find out if the receiver is OK with that- sadism and dominance are not the same thing. While it is common for some dominants to enjoy causing pain, not everyone does. On the flip side, some of us submissives might like the pain- masochism, but not without discussing the actual impact and the results as well. Overall- consent, ask questions, stop demanding nonsense when first introducing yourself.

When I establish that I will not roll over for anyone with a few dollars and a big voice and do not hand myself over to a 'dom,' and they become- angry, rude, aggressive/threatening, demeaning, i.e.- you're a bad sub, should be ashamed of yourself, weak). You have now explicitly proved you do not have care for any boundary, hard or soft. Asking questions to understand the boundaries and openly discuss needs on both sides is crucial. If my partner cannot or I cannot offer what they need, then we need to go play with others or just know some things are off limits. Do. Not. Push. This leads to all sorts of incredible harm. To the receiver mostly, but also to those of us who do play appropriately. It continues a false narrative that BDSM is mean and 'bad,' while demonizing sex and sex work (even more than it is). You are also proving you are inexperienced and uneducated. These fakes are all over and it is a part of being online. Anyone can sign in and start playing. I do wish we could (I am very aware it is not positive lol and why I do not engage in it) 'out' and label fakes. That is not the answer, but public peer pressure can be helpful.

I have encountered this in person as well. There is a man I have known since high school. I was the first person to see him shirtless. He introduced me to anal. Tit for tat, yknow? I adore him. Quite honestly probably more than that. But my hesitation has always come back to- I refuse to be dominated simply so he can say he did it. I do not enjoy possession and I have worked too hard to hand that over because 'I said so' or 'I want you to.' Possession without recognition of what I've given you is unacceptable. What? Because I like you? No. Absolutely not. What's in it for me? Pleasing you? That's it? For me, that cannot be the singular benefit to submission.

My final words- uncensored.

I would like to find someone who takes time to develop safety for us, and if you are going to Dom me, then you better have all the tools and spoons to facilitate. I have worked far too hard, for far too long, to hand over my life for simply a man's pleasure. Not only is his simple pleasure not my problem- WHERE IN THE SAM HELL is my pleasure?! There has to be some return for me, and simple pleasure or doing a task is not going to work for me. I do not expect every dom to be a pleasure dom, but a slut can dream.

Be safe. Educate yourself. Hold firm your boundaries. Play well.

To be blunt- sellers are here to make money. Period. Not a single tip, treat, wishlist item, or listing purchase to demonstrate sincerity of the proposed dynamic. Are you a joke? Am *I* the joke? Have I missed something?

I enjoy the community, and this is what makes it so successful. The concept of playing because some 'dom' labeled themselves dom to be bossy is so outrageous it makes me giggle and want to insult their intelligence. Again- not the answer, healthy, or positive! Do not do!

Wrap. It. Up.

I am deeply grateful for the ability to explore, meet, and learn from people all over the world. ATW has been and is, a place for all of us silly sluts to enjoy the absolute smorgasbord humans are. Everyone here is delicious in their own ways, and it is important to try new things! 😉 I am grateful for the community’s support, grace to learn, and those good boi(s) and gurl(s) who pleasantly come and make it all better. It has been so eye opening to experiment dominance in various ways, and only reaffirms the importance of safety when playing.

Thanks for reading! 🥰

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