Being a Dominant In An Online Space

Buyer

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It can be difficult being a Dominant in an online space, especially if you are purchasing. But I’ve seen and heard of many pitfalls that many inexperienced buyers fall into over and over. This creates a bad reputation for yourself but also Dominants as a whole sadly. I wrote this hopefully to help with those to give some platitudes around the space and how to present yourself in a manner so you get what you are looking for. While keeping a good relationship with sellers.

You Are Not Their Dom/Domme, let me repeat that for those who need to hear it again. You Are Not Their Dom/Domme and you cannot demand it from the first interaction. Anyone worth their salt and you actually want to be your sub will know and understand this. So stop trying to dominate in the first instance. True power play comes with time and a mutual understanding of each other. Their submission will be given over time and mutual respect. This could be after several purchases or some conversations which flow naturally into that realm.

Boundaries. I can’t believe that this needs to be said, but boundaries are there for a reason. If someone says no you need to accept it. They do not owe you anything until money has changed hands. Even then some understanding goes a long way and everything should be discussed long before you send anything. Boundaries can be explored once you have built up a level of trust, but until that has happened you must observe their boundaries and respect them.

Be Respectful. I find this shocking that I even need to write this. But a Dominant doesn’t need to be rude or disrespectful to get what they want. Consensual humiliation or dirty talk is earned or scheduled. But your first words should be respectful and looking to build a rapport. Please refer to the first point to understand why. Manners do not cost a thing and you need to hold yourself to a higher standard to succeed in this space.

You are equals. As much as some Dominants want to believe, we are not in fact fully in control. It is a power exchange and if they so chose the Submissive can pull back and remove that control from you. Until that power exchange has occurred you and the Sub are equals. The same can be said for other Dominants. Far too many times I’ve had Dommes try and tell me to kneel beneath them, this is unwarranted and shouldn’t be happening. We are equals and I should be treated as such, in the same way that they expect the same from me.

Be consistent and reliable. If you say you’re going to do something make sure you do it. Half the battle is showing up. Don’t mess with money and once something has been organised pay immediately. Showing you are willing to pay without them asking is a sign that you are a person of their word and won’t mess them around.

Don’t badger someone. Time wasting is one of the biggest complaints from sellers and you don’t want to be labelled as one. If you intend to buy then buy. If you have no intentions of buying then you should not approach someone. Asking questions to see if you can meet common ground on a sale is different, but messaging someone just to get their attention is not what this space is for.

Happy kinking everyone and remember to stay safe.

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