Being a Dominant In An Online Space

By Phasic 427 views 13th May 2026

Buyer

It can be difficult being a Dominant in an online space, especially if you are purchasing. But I’ve seen and heard of many pitfalls that many inexperienced buyers fall into over and over. This creates a bad reputation for yourself but also Dominants as a whole sadly. I wrote this hopefully to help with those to give some platitudes around the space and how to present yourself in a manner so you get what you are looking for. While keeping a good relationship with sellers.

You Are Not Their Dom/Domme, let me repeat that for those who need to hear it again. You Are Not Their Dom/Domme and you cannot demand it from the first interaction. Anyone worth their salt and you actually want to be your sub will know and understand this. So stop trying to dominate in the first instance. True power play comes with time and a mutual understanding of each other. Their submission will be given over time and mutual respect. This could be after several purchases or some conversations which flow naturally into that realm.

Boundaries. I can’t believe that this needs to be said, but boundaries are there for a reason. If someone says no you need to accept it. They do not owe you anything until money has changed hands. Even then some understanding goes a long way and everything should be discussed long before you send anything. Boundaries can be explored once you have built up a level of trust, but until that has happened you must observe their boundaries and respect them.

Be Respectful. I find this shocking that I even need to write this. But a Dominant doesn’t need to be rude or disrespectful to get what they want. Consensual humiliation or dirty talk is earned or scheduled. But your first words should be respectful and looking to build a rapport. Please refer to the first point to understand why. Manners do not cost a thing and you need to hold yourself to a higher standard to succeed in this space.

You are equals. As much as some Dominants want to believe, we are not in fact fully in control. It is a power exchange and if they so chose the Submissive can pull back and remove that control from you. Until that power exchange has occurred you and the Sub are equals. The same can be said for other Dominants. Far too many times I’ve had Dommes try and tell me to kneel beneath them, this is unwarranted and shouldn’t be happening. We are equals and I should be treated as such, in the same way that they expect the same from me.

Be consistent and reliable. If you say you’re going to do something make sure you do it. Half the battle is showing up. Don’t mess with money and once something has been organised pay immediately. Showing you are willing to pay without them asking is a sign that you are a person of their word and won’t mess them around.

Don’t badger someone. Time wasting is one of the biggest complaints from sellers and you don’t want to be labelled as one. If you intend to buy then buy. If you have no intentions of buying then you should not approach someone. Asking questions to see if you can meet common ground on a sale is different, but messaging someone just to get their attention is not what this space is for.

Happy kinking everyone and remember to stay safe.

By Phasic

I'm a dominant man and I'm not submissive or interested in a findom or domme thank you. I'm also only interested in female sellers thank you. My current profile picture is...

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Comments

PorcelainWitch23 @Phasic he's given me lots of security and confidence in ways I can't really put into words. He puts in a lot of effort and care into how we play. It's very appreciated. It's definitely made my nervous system calm down a lot.

Phasic @PorcelainWitch23 I love being a pleasure Dom and seeing the Sub's eyes light up when I reward them. It's just something you can't replicate

Kay_x It’s very refreshing to read a blog written by someone who actually understands the lifestyle. Why mutual trust & consent is key ❤️

PorcelainWitch23 @BeardedBelgian my sir is a pleasure dom. 🥰 It's been really rewarding.

PorcelainWitch23 @Madame_Frankenstein I find found that doms that play with me eventually go for emotional manipulation, which makes me not want to work with them anymore. While subs I can redirect and reaffirm boundaries without the head games. So while subs are needy, I do feel more secure working with more sub types. However, doms come in a wide variety just like subs, so I am hoping to find a happy medium. Perhaps another switch to play with who understands the need to switch off sometimes.

BeardedBelgian I used to love doing pleasure dom sessions. But I just burned out, for several reasons tbh.

Madame_Frankenstein @Phasic I know sellers love loyalty and knowing they will have a buyer to pay them money, but unless they are available 24/7 to that person then its hard to maintain. X

Phasic @Madame_Frankenstein it's really not as it can burn out the relationship with that one person.

Madame_Frankenstein @Lilith_xoxo they devote themselves to 1 person, which I dont think is always a good thing on a site like this.

Lilith_xoxo @Madame_Frankenstein same! The sub buyers on here are exhausting.

Madame_Frankenstein @Lilith_xoxo I second this. I absolutely love it too. Probably more than being a domme.

Lilith_xoxo Sadly there are too many ‘Doms’ on here, on both sides, who just don’t get it. I started thinking I definitely could not be submissive as any ‘Dom’ buyers I spoke with just made me cringe or thought it entitled them to get access to me for free. So far there have been 2 Dom buyers here who have shown me how much I really do enjoy being more submissive. It really soothes my brain when speaking with an understanding Dom.

Madame_Frankenstein @Phasic I can totally understand that too. Ive been a bit off with Doms irl, mainly because they dont respect boundaries, A switch can only give up her autonomy if she/he trusts someone.

Phasic @Madame_Frankenstein switches definitely exist and I've had a great time with some. I have had some pretty b.ad experiences with Domme leaning switches who don't seem to grasp it or are "Sub for pay" and it's very un-natural for them. You can just tell and it's like a whiplash for me in some circumstances and off putting at the worst sadly.

Madame_Frankenstein @Phasic Thats true, when my subby side come out I dont get much attention on here, but when Im a total soul destroying demon I get more attention. Its hard to explain im a bit of both, it puts people off. X

Phasic @Madame_Frankenstein it has been a weird culture shock how few Doms there seems to be on here. I often say we're like a rare breed. Which is often the total opposite in other spaces I've been in. Well at least fewer claiming to be one

Madame_Frankenstein @PorcelainWitch23 the subs are more demanding that the Doms. I think the Doms have small harems of subs on here, whilst a sub till hyperfixate on a seller lol. Xxx

PorcelainWitch23 @Madame_Frankenstein this is such a valid point too. As a switch I also get exhausted with the constant nag of attention from some subs because I want to be the sub sometimes. 😂 But I have a IRL partner now and it's really opened up some play and release for me. It's been a good journey.

PorcelainWitch23 👏👏👏 absolutely on point. 💜

Madame_Frankenstein @Phasic 😘😘😘😘

Phasic @Madame_Frankenstein you are absolutely correct. It can apply to both sides of the dynamic. But rather than speak for a sub's point of view I felt it right to limit my observations to a Dom perspective x

Phasic @Fairylady thank you, after speaking to several sellers it's something that has come up. That they feel comfortable with me because I understand boundaries and give respect. I hope that I can help educate others with this x

Madame_Frankenstein This also applies to subs and switches, amazing how subs demand so much from their owner, its almost like owning, I dont do ownership as a switch as one day im wanting to dominate and the next I want to be used. Boundaries are constantly being tested.