Ghosting And How It Affects Us All

Seller Sellers’ Perspective Buyers’ Perspective

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Hey kinky souls ??

I've decided to write a blog on something which I know affects A LOT of us when navigating the site. Whether you're a buyer or a seller, most of us have experienced being ghosted by someone and I was interested to find out what emotional effect it can have.

How Ghosting Affects Me As A Seller

A lot of sellers on the site operate in a way that makes us seem super confident to others, but in reality, we are just playing into the femdom fantasy. Don't get me wrong - there are days where I do feel s**y, powerful and all the wonderful things in between. But like so many others I also use the site (as much as I hate to admit it) for validation. I LOVE hearing someone talk about my body in a positive way, and it really boosts my confidence.

So... When someone ghosts me, it activates this side to myself that questions whether I deserve to be on the site. I begin to tell myself they must have looked at my profile and think all the worst things I've ever thought about myself. Now this might be the case-WHO KNOWS RIGHT? But in reality, it could be for lots of different reasons.

I recently had a buyer ghost me completely out of the blue. It was someone who I felt I had put a lot of love and effort into. Someone who I enjoyed conversations with both real and kink related. I had worked with this person numerous times and he would always tell me how much he enjoyed me as a seller, BUT one day he decided to ghost me after arranging an order. He made a new account and then blocked me. The realisation as a seller that someone who you thought respected you actually didn't can really affect your trust and feelings about the site moving forward. It's hard.

My POV As A Buyer of Male Items/Content

So I once had a seller that I worked with who would message me and repeatedly ask me to purchase instant content. It was really frustrating and actually gave me the ick. I never bought off of him again and in the end I did faze him off. When he wasn't listening to my reasons for not buying, I didn't feel like he deserved my time to reply.

I also had a seller who ignored my messages asking for an order. I had purchased most of his instant content and wanted a custom made so I a**umed he would be happy to make a custom for me. WHO KNOWS why he did this, but I just blocked him and moved on - It always niggled at me as to why he did this though.

So What's the Point in Writing This Blog?

The aim of this blog isn't to try and STOP people from ghosting. Ultimately if a buyer/seller decides to ghost then that's a personal choice for them. But the following statements from both buyers and sellers might rea**ure those who have been ghosted before or make others think twice before they do it again. I’m gonna go against the grain here and say I do personally feel that there are times when it's actually okay to ghost someone. Ultimately this is a site to explore your kinks, it shouldn't be a chore to come on here.

Tips for Buyers

?If you don't want to receive messages and prefer to reach out to sellers yourself, then perhaps add this to your bio? In my opinion a seller who isn't reading your bio before messaging you hasn't earned a reply.

? When requesting a specific item on the dash, try asking those who offer it to like the post instead so you browse the sellers who are willing to help!

? Know that genuine sellers do value your time on the site and want you to have the best experience, help us out with the above so we can help you ?

Tips for Sellers

? If you think you can offer an item or experience (and they haven't asked for no contact in their bio), reach out with a personalised message. I find adding 'no pressure to reply' helps so the buyer doesn't feel obliged to.

? If someone doesn't know your worth and decides to ghost you, just remember- There are plenty of genuine buyers who respect you. Spend your energy on them.

So here's some of what the rest of the community had to say about their experiences. Please REMEMBER, as a very wise soul once taught me 'Just because it's someone's opinion, doesn't make it a fact' (@Kinks_and_curves). If you don't agree, that's okay. This isn't a space for debate, just an opportunity to understand other people's perspectives and experiences. Thank you to everyone who helped me write this blog!

Buyer/Seller Thoughts and Feelings

@Hentai_Hime (SELLER ??)

"I had a really good Skype conversation with a potential sub. He was the first person I actually did a video with. He paid his dues, we had a great conversation and then p**F gone. NOTHING. It felt like being ghosted by a guy you had a great date with. It was honestly kind of demor*lizing. It made me feel bad about myself. Doubting myself."

ANONYMOUS (BUYER ??)

"Firstly, as a new buyer, the site can be pretty overwhelming - both in terms of choice and in terms of attention. I swithered for a long time before I signed up and, when I did, I got hit with about ten messages from sellers straight away. At that stage, I still had no real idea what I felt comfortable with, how things worked, or what the etiquette was. I took a couple of days before I responded to my first message, wrote a nice polite response and then - wham - discovered I'd been blocked. Particularly as a submissive person, that made me feel really sh*t. The thought of upsetting someone is a really horrible feeling and I nearly deleted my account at that point. Sellers I think can sometimes be a bit quick to jump to a**umptions on new buyers and perhaps could show a little bit of extra patience or understanding."

@Letti (SELLER ??)

"I remember when I first joined it happened a couple of times and it felt truly awful, really impacted me and how I felt on the site. Suppose with experience it gets a bit easier to deal with and you learn that everyone has things going on and don’t always have the courage to be honest and speak up but God it does suck!"

@HeWolf72 (BUYER ??)

*I mean obviously it is wrong to leave Sellers on read if we Buyers have reached out to them or posted a general request on the dash that they're messaging us about. However, if a Seller reaches out to me, I no longer feel any obligation at all to respond to them and I find that ignoring is the simplest solution. Sellers need to take the hint that no response *is* a response. We aren't interested and don't want to go through the awkwardness and potential drama of saying "No thanks”. These situations make me feel like there's a weird changing of roles where Buyers are the hot chick at the bar and some Sellers behave like insistent drunk guys flocking around her who can't take a hint that she's not interested (but nobody buys us free drinks! ?? ). Furthermore, I don't believe it is rude to leave Sellers on read on those occasions and I feel it is super entitled of Sellers to expect a response to an uninvited message. I'm here to have fun and responding to messages out of a sense of obligation feels a lot like work. Our time is valuable too. As for when we Buyers get ghosted? Sure, it sucks, but I just take it as a sign that we wouldn't have had fun playing together and find another Seller. No hard feelings - I just suck it up and move on. There are more of you beautiful ladies here than I will ever have the time or money to play with, so I don't see it as much of an issue at all to me."

@s**ySmiles (SELLER ??)

"I think it’s just kinda lame. Like how am I supposed to know if you’re just not interested or if I said/did something wrong? Sellers obviously want to please their buyers and ghosting doesn’t help anyone. I fully believe we can handle the rejection of “I’m not interested” but also like “hey I’m not into that approach, can we try something else?” Or even just “I’ve found a different offer”"

@Slag (BUYER ??)

"Why do some of us ghost sellers. For some of us saying no is very difficult. We think it is rude to refuse. If we do decide to say no, it is finding the right way to say. Will we offend the seller, especially if we buy a similar item from another seller. In addition, we can sometimes feel overwhelmed by the number of sellers approaching us with a particular item in mind."

@Kinks_and_curves (SELLER ??)

"Being ghosted can suck! It can have more of an impact than noticed or even spoke about It can also impact future fun, am I likely to work with someone after being messed about or even consider it? I don’t know. I understand we all get busy and of course I allow time to respond but there’s a difference between busy and just ignoring. It seems like it’s just part of what happens here and while it’s inevitable it shouldn’t be the standard."

@Peace (BUYER ??)

" I've been ghosted by a seller for a custom video. First time she left me on read was after we discussed the video and said I'll come back when I'm ready. Only a few days later I come back to let her know I'm ready, left on read. I a**umed something happened and thought nothing of it. Week goes by and I ask if she was ready or if something happened. Left on read again. After a few days, I saw her posting and I ended up blocking her instead. The crazy part was, we were chatting it up beforehand as well! Which made me all confused. I was bothered by it but not really because I'd just cross her name off my list and go on to the next in line."

@Plus_Size_Pinup (SELLER ??)

I feel like not replying after one or two messages is not ghosting, it’s just finding out general information and working out that they don’t have what you want. But after a discussion about what is wanted and payment is set up, if they then disappear that’s ghosting in my opinion, and it would be easier on the seller if you just say you’ve changed your mind. I guess that the majority who do this are doing it to get off on it, they like the attention or wasting people’s time.

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