Ghosting and How It Affects Us All

By MrsG 1160 views

Seller Sellers’ Perspective Buyers’ Perspective Ghosting and How It Affects Us All

Hey kinky souls 💖💋

I've decided to write a blog on something which I know affects A LOT of us when navigating the site. Whether you're a buyer or a seller, most of us have experienced being ghosted by someone and I was interested to find out what emotional effect it can have.

How Ghosting Affects Me As A Seller

A lot of sellers on the site operate in a way that makes us seem super confident to others, but in reality, we are just playing into the femdom fantasy. Don't get me wrong - there are days where I do feel sexy, powerful and all the wonderful things in between. But like so many others I also use the site (as much as I hate to admit it) for validation. I LOVE hearing someone talk about my body in a positive way, and it really boosts my confidence.

So... When someone ghosts me, it activates this side to myself that questions whether I deserve to be on the site. I begin to tell myself they must have looked at my profile and think all the worst things I've ever thought about myself. Now this might be the case-WHO KNOWS RIGHT? But in reality, it could be for lots of different reasons.

I recently had a buyer ghost me completely out of the blue. It was someone who I felt I had put a lot of love and effort into. Someone who I enjoyed conversations with both real and kink related. I had worked with this person numerous times and he would always tell me how much he enjoyed me as a seller, BUT one day he decided to ghost me after arranging an order. He made a new account and then blocked me. The realisation as a seller that someone who you thought respected you actually didn't can really affect your trust and feelings about the site moving forward. It's hard.

My POV As A Buyer of Male Items/Content

So I once had a seller that I worked with who would message me and repeatedly ask me to purchase instant content. It was really frustrating and actually gave me the ick. I never bought off of him again and in the end I did faze him off. When he wasn't listening to my reasons for not buying, I didn't feel like he deserved my time to reply.

I also had a seller who ignored my messages asking for an order. I had purchased most of his instant content and wanted a custom made so I assumed he would be happy to make a custom for me. WHO KNOWS why he did this, but I just blocked him and moved on - It always niggled at me as to why he did this though.

So What's the Point in Writing This Blog?

The aim of this blog isn't to try and STOP people from ghosting. Ultimately if a buyer/seller decides to ghost then that's a personal choice for them. But the following statements from both buyers and sellers might reassure those who have been ghosted before or make others think twice before they do it again. I’m gonna go against the grain here and say I do personally feel that there are times when it's actually okay to ghost someone. Ultimately this is a site to explore your kinks, it shouldn't be a chore to come on here.

Tips for Buyers

💖If you don't want to receive messages and prefer to reach out to sellers yourself, then perhaps add this to your bio? In my opinion a seller who isn't reading your bio before messaging you hasn't earned a reply.

💖 When requesting a specific item on the dash, try asking those who offer it to like the post instead so you browse the sellers who are willing to help!

💖 Know that genuine sellers do value your time on the site and want you to have the best experience, help us out with the above so we can help you 💦

Tips for Sellers

💖 If you think you can offer an item or experience (and they haven't asked for no contact in their bio), reach out with a personalised message. I find adding 'no pressure to reply' helps so the buyer doesn't feel obliged to.

💖 If someone doesn't know your worth and decides to ghost you, just remember- There are plenty of genuine buyers who respect you. Spend your energy on them.

So here's some of what the rest of the community had to say about their experiences. Please REMEMBER, as a very wise soul once taught me 'Just because it's someone's opinion, doesn't make it a fact' (@Kinks_and_curves). If you don't agree, that's okay. This isn't a space for debate, just an opportunity to understand other people's perspectives and experiences. Thank you to everyone who helped me write this blog!

Buyer/Seller Thoughts and Feelings

@Hentai_Hime (SELLER 🇺🇸)

"I had a really good Skype conversation with a potential sub. He was the first person I actually did a video with. He paid his dues, we had a great conversation and then POOF gone. NOTHING. It felt like being ghosted by a guy you had a great date with. It was honestly kind of demoralizing. It made me feel bad about myself. Doubting myself."

ANONYMOUS (BUYER 🇬🇧)

"Firstly, as a new buyer, the site can be pretty overwhelming - both in terms of choice and in terms of attention. I swithered for a long time before I signed up and, when I did, I got hit with about ten messages from sellers straight away. At that stage, I still had no real idea what I felt comfortable with, how things worked, or what the etiquette was. I took a couple of days before I responded to my first message, wrote a nice polite response and then - wham - discovered I'd been blocked. Particularly as a submissive person, that made me feel really shit. The thought of upsetting someone is a really horrible feeling and I nearly deleted my account at that point. Sellers I think can sometimes be a bit quick to jump to assumptions on new buyers and perhaps could show a little bit of extra patience or understanding."

@Letti (SELLER 🇬🇧)

"I remember when I first joined it happened a couple of times and it felt truly awful, really impacted me and how I felt on the site. Suppose with experience it gets a bit easier to deal with and you learn that everyone has things going on and don’t always have the courage to be honest and speak up but God it does suck!"

@HeWolf72 (BUYER 🇨🇦)

*I mean obviously it is wrong to leave Sellers on read if we Buyers have reached out to them or posted a general request on the dash that they're messaging us about. However, if a Seller reaches out to me, I no longer feel any obligation at all to respond to them and I find that ignoring is the simplest solution. Sellers need to take the hint that no response *is* a response. We aren't interested and don't want to go through the awkwardness and potential drama of saying "No thanks”. These situations make me feel like there's a weird changing of roles where Buyers are the hot chick at the bar and some Sellers behave like insistent drunk guys flocking around her who can't take a hint that she's not interested (but nobody buys us free drinks! 😂😂 ). Furthermore, I don't believe it is rude to leave Sellers on read on those occasions and I feel it is super entitled of Sellers to expect a response to an uninvited message. I'm here to have fun and responding to messages out of a sense of obligation feels a lot like work. Our time is valuable too. As for when we Buyers get ghosted? Sure, it sucks, but I just take it as a sign that we wouldn't have had fun playing together and find another Seller. No hard feelings - I just suck it up and move on. There are more of you beautiful ladies here than I will ever have the time or money to play with, so I don't see it as much of an issue at all to me."

@SexySmiles (SELLER 🇺🇸)

"I think it’s just kinda lame. Like how am I supposed to know if you’re just not interested or if I said/did something wrong? Sellers obviously want to please their buyers and ghosting doesn’t help anyone. I fully believe we can handle the rejection of “I’m not interested” but also like “hey I’m not into that approach, can we try something else?” Or even just “I’ve found a different offer”"

@Slag (BUYER 🇬🇧)

"Why do some of us ghost sellers. For some of us saying no is very difficult. We think it is rude to refuse. If we do decide to say no, it is finding the right way to say. Will we offend the seller, especially if we buy a similar item from another seller. In addition, we can sometimes feel overwhelmed by the number of sellers approaching us with a particular item in mind."

@Kinks_and_curves (SELLER 🇬🇧)

"Being ghosted can suck! It can have more of an impact than noticed or even spoke about It can also impact future fun, am I likely to work with someone after being messed about or even consider it? I don’t know. I understand we all get busy and of course I allow time to respond but there’s a difference between busy and just ignoring. It seems like it’s just part of what happens here and while it’s inevitable it shouldn’t be the standard."

@Peace (BUYER 🇺🇸)

" I've been ghosted by a seller for a custom video. First time she left me on read was after we discussed the video and said I'll come back when I'm ready. Only a few days later I come back to let her know I'm ready, left on read. I assumed something happened and thought nothing of it. Week goes by and I ask if she was ready or if something happened. Left on read again. After a few days, I saw her posting and I ended up blocking her instead. The crazy part was, we were chatting it up beforehand as well! Which made me all confused. I was bothered by it but not really because I'd just cross her name off my list and go on to the next in line."

@Plus_Size_Pinup (SELLER 🇬🇧)

I feel like not replying after one or two messages is not ghosting, it’s just finding out general information and working out that they don’t have what you want. But after a discussion about what is wanted and payment is set up, if they then disappear that’s ghosting in my opinion, and it would be easier on the seller if you just say you’ve changed your mind. I guess that the majority who do this are doing it to get off on it, they like the attention or wasting people’s time.

By MrsG

☆.𓋼𓍊 𓆏 𓍊𓋼𓍊.☆ ✨TOP 0.1% OF SELLERS ✨ Welcome to my kinky little paradise! ✨MILF✨ 💖I'm English with a little bit of Indian, Italian and Portuguese in me so I have an olive...

View Profile >

Interested in contributing to our awesome community blog? Why not get in touch with our friendly team?

Comments

Annex123 Thank you for your opinions on the same, I agree with you both.

MrsG @Annex123 No 😊 I wouldn't say so. I would say it counts as ignoring them but only if you've asked people to reach out either on the dash or in your bio 💖💖💖

Pumpkin_Queen @Annex123 in my opinion not at all!

Annex123 Would it count as gh*sting if people message me first and I don’t reply after I read the message?

MrsG @ClaireWornItems Yeah thanks for letting everyone know, I've used that many a time myself ✨

ClaireWornItems @MrsG for the profiles that do that, there's an option to report their profile for "no intention to buy" aka leading you on and then gh*sting when it comes to payment.

LookAs5 @MrsG yeaaah guilty i usually text everyone from the night before and first to reply i end up doing the calll but yeah i need to be nicer book and pay so i can stop letting people down 💋

MrsG @LookAs5 You did this to me once you little shit 😂 you definitely need to work on it but you know I've told you this before. Just don't be greedy when you're booking 😂 you are like someone who goes crazy and guys too much chocolate and then can't eat it all 😂

LookAs5 @Pumpkin_Queen yeah 100% agree with u on that free dirty talk, im always open and everything but its like u promise 3-4 girls to skype call saturday morning usually 2 dont turn up and ur left with 2 girls wanting to skype, thats why ive done 2 calls before one after the other.. but sometimes u aint got time and youve had a girl thinking from lets say mid week thats shes doing a call with u sat 1pm and then come saturday u gotta say your busy eventhough ur ona call with someone else, i just feel bad because i like to be honest but its abit fücked in this sorta situation, thats why im proberly gonna make girls set the order straight away or just ask in home posts

ClaireWornItems @Pumpkin_Queen fast turnover, most don't last very long. a year, tops, i've had girls message me crying asking for help because it's so much mentally

Pumpkin_Queen @ClaireWornItems I can't imagine how mentally draining it would be either.

ClaireWornItems @Pumpkin_Queen i've been doing this for like 7 years and this is the way, nothing for free, or else everyone takes advantage. And also this is how buyers get sca*mmed. someone who's looking to give you lots of freebies and free dirty talk up front is probably gonna take your cash and run

Pumpkin_Queen @LookAs5 This is why I 👻 buyers. As a seller I can't/won't talk dirty to everyone I speak with. That's a ton of free dirty talk. I think reading bios, to get to know them or letting them know from the beginning what you are looking for and that you are talking to multiple people and may not buy from them from the beginning. So they choose to put that effort I'm talking 3-4 days knowing it may not lead anywhere. It's ok to not be interested just be open and honest.

Jimmy19978 Love this ❤️❤️ perspective from both buyer and seller you couldn’t have written it better 😘

LookAs5 @NekoSadomasochist yeah 100% i just feel bad people the others im busy or whatever :/ some girls ive been straight open and done calls after ive finished a call with the other but by then my ass is really gaped 😂thing is normaly id start chating with girls mid week to book a weekend call then end up calling 1 and canceling like 2-3 i just feel bad

NekoSadomasochist @LookAs5 Posting on the dash is definitely better but I get wanting to get a feel for how different sellers work. Maybe specify in a post that you'd like to chat a bit first and then if you like them, you'll choose them to book a call with?

LookAs5 Think im guilty il end up messaging like 3-5 girls for a skype call and then choose the girl that talks the dirtiest and promises me and i end up having to cancel the other girls... is there a better way of going about this? Im thinking next time i want a live skype Just to post on this wall and go with the first girl that replys..? Any suggestions?

DrAngelFace32 Thank you for this! So awful to waste time speaking to someone only to have them completely disappear with no reason, if you’re not interested then just say it don’t be rude!

NekoSadomasochist @Pirsq I agree with this. I only find no response rude if we were talking or you've been viewing my profile and posts for ages without reaching out. I'm happy to reach out if the buyer is just nervous or needs help deciding on what they're looking for but completely ignoring a seller you've been looking at on and off for a while doesn't come off great.

Mrs_ATT Amazing!!! X

Naughtynurse90 Thank you for this xxx

ClaireWornItems Thanks for writing this! Also there are people who have liked this post who have done this to me, so i'm not sure it's a problem we're getting rid of right away 😂

HeWolf72 This was a great idea for a blog and so well-written too! I really enjoyed reading the different perspectives and experiences and I absolutely love how you presented it all in such a non-judgemental way! We are all people behind these screens, with different personalities and different things going on beneath the surface. Thank you for writing this and for inviting our input as well! This can only help us in better understanding and respecting eachother 😊 Now I'm off to update my bio...

Pumpkin_Queen @Pirsq I only message first when I see then view my profile a few times. Even if they don't respond then I don't consider it 👻. Slightly rude because I'm like you've viewed 5 times today but can't say hello but it's really not a big deal especially when it's just copy and paste messages. I agree with what you consider 👻.

MrsG @Pirsq Yeah I definitely should have written what I consider 👻 to be. For me personally I'd agree with you 😊

Pirsq Do sellers consider it 👻 when buyers don't respond to their intro message? I actually think a lot of them don't expect responses because they send the same message to a bunch of people and just see who bites. It's just advertising and I've got no issues with it but at the same time feel no obligation to respond. To me, 👻 is only when someone stops responding during an established conversation. If I'm discussing an order and it turns out we're not compatible, then I will let you know. 👻 here would be rude imo.

Pumpkin_Queen I personally don't mind not getting a response I have a slight feeling of rejection but ultimately I also don't respond occasionally. If I feel I'm putting in a ton of effort for a conversation and the other person is giving 3 word responses yet still says hi again when I stop responding because I have nothing to respond to it's frustrating. When conversations are going well but they start getting very sexual but show no Intention of buying or changing the subject. When I mention if you want to ask overly sexual questions I have a Q&A listing you can ask me anything for 30 minutes with honest answers and they get mad. Honestly I don't do super well with conflict so I just disappear.

LadyChastity @Mountainview04 I think you should let those others defend themselves if they feel it is needed. As it isn’t coming across as you intend. The point of this blog was to show all the different views and explain how @MrsG feels.

MrsG @Jack_Dev Thankyou 😁💕

LadyChastity @Annex123 some of the experiences on here are written by buyers also x

Annex123 What is it happens to a buyer ?

Jack_Dev Nice piece and very thought provoking. I never thought that my lack of response could have this effect but now that I think about it, it makes sense. We’re all human and all have feelings but it’s easy to forget that sometimes.

MissMackenzie @LadyChastity 💯

LadyChastity @Mountainview04 Can you just drop it now

MrsG @Bettercallsaul It's not a bad thing to debate I agree but this blog isn't the space for it. ❌ Especially when some people are giving their opinion as hard facts. That's all I'm gonna say now because I'm enjoying the positivity this blog is receiving too much to dwell on negative ☀️

Bettercallsaul @MrsG That's not a bad thing. Sellers personalities come out when they comment and engage. That's one of the things that attract me to a seller.

MrsG @Mountainview04 I think the comments are going slightly away from what this blog is about 😊 It isn't a blog for debate it's just a blog to enlighten and share experiences on 👻 Each individuals approach / preference is for them to decide its not a one size fits all kinda thing so let's just leave the debate of it and just share experiences and express them as ideas and not fact/ 'truth'. Part of healthy debates is accepting other people's opinions

KinkySAHM84 Excellent read. Been here for 2 weeks and have already experienced this in several of the ways you mention. Sometimes it's hard to process. LIke being 👻 after investing a lot. Or having a really good time and repeat buys and then left on 📚. Thankfully both of those situations worked themselves out. Initially it was hard understanding what happened. If buyers don't they reply to my message about their dash request, I take it as I'm not their cup of tea and I'm thankful they don't waste my ⏰️. I've also been reminding myself that not all buyers what a deep connection and that's ok too. Overall, my time here so far has been amazing and I'm looking forward to the future!

Samantha_0 Awesome read! Very informative learning the different perspectives x

Hotwife69uk Wow your allowed to message buyers, i feel cheeky i just think if people want something theyl nosey at my profile or ask, am i being naive 🤣

Maddlove This is a wonderful perspective on how alot of us may be feeling but not sharing outwardly, well done Mrs g ❤️

Gav88uk @Kinks_and_curves agreed 👍

Gav88uk @AlbasAntics and I'm the rude one? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Southerngirlsgoodies @Yniew agree! It’s supposed to be fun right😉

Yniew Great post! Especially appreciate the buyer and seller perspectives. Seems like a lot of it comes down how much time and mental energy we all have to go around. That of course changes day to day and week to week. Being too engaged can be exhausting. Whether that's a buyer dealing with many sellers' messages or a seller dealing with challenging buyers.

AlbasAntics @Gav88uk it’s the eye roll darling makes you look just a little like a pr!ck if I’m honest but I’ll leave it there as I can’t be bothered to waste my t!me anymore if you can’t see the issue with your comment that’s your problem

Southerngirlsgoodies @Mountainview04 I personally wouldn’t consider it rude you have your profile on private for your own reasons. It’s your choice.

Southerngirlsgoodies @Mountainview04 I don’t think any buyer should feel obligated to answer every message. I personally consider it gh0sting when you’re already working on an order together or messaging regularly back and forth and then suddenly disappear. I rarely cold message first or initiate the first message but if I do and never receive a response I figured I didn’t have what the buyer wants, no worries. If the buyer states in the bio they don’t return messages if not interested or they prefer to message first I certainly respect that 😉

MrsG Thanks again for all the support to those who enjoyed it 💕 and all the lovely messages in my inbox from buyers and sellers

LadyChastity This is a fab read! Love how you included sellers and buyers personal opinions on here as well as some tips! Some won’t mind being 👻 but for many of us it can lead to us questioning ourselves(buyers included) I don’t think there is any need for people to be voicing negative opinions about this blog. It was clearly written to enlighten others on how some people take 👻ing.

Gav88uk @AlbasAntics I said it's a none issue to me. I apologise if you don't like the way I feel, I can't help it I'm afraid 🤷

AlbasAntics @Gav88uk Saying they’re a none issue is kind of dismissing that evidently it is an issue for some or MrsG would have made the blog 🥴

MrsG @Mountainview04 *Kicking you up the ass*👢😂 Haha

Gav88uk @AlbasAntics didn't dismiss anyone's opinion, you sure you were replying to the right person 🤔

MrsG @Mountainview04 Totally understand 😊 It must get overwhelming 💕 have you ever thought about adding a little message in your bio? 😊💭

KateCorbain @MissMackenzie I have to say, I almost enjoy random blooks bc now it's like a game of who did it now?! Lol

MissMackenzie @KateCorbain I'm so sad 🤡 😂🤣

KateCorbain @MissMackenzie you're obvi the worst 😅🤣

Bettercallsaul Have to say there are some sellers on here who while we've never met I do feel close to and respect.

Prettyonexo Loved this, great read ❤️

MrsG @Gav88uk as I say in the blog opinion isn't fact so you're welcome to express yours. I think until you are in someone else's shoes you can't comment on whether it is a loss or not etc, and even if you have experienced it you can only comment on your own feelings 😊 Thanks for sharing your take on it either way.

Gav88uk @MrsG because there's no loss if a stranger on the Internet stops talking to you, easy to just move on and forget about it. Maybe it's just me who thinks that? 🤷

MissMackenzie This gav person has me blocked so I can't see the hate their spewing lol 🍿🍿🍿🍿

AlbasAntics @Gav88uk bit rude, you can have your option and feelings but doesn’t dismiss anyone else’s

Bettercallsaul @Gav88uk Actually I'm with you on that one.

MrsG @Gav88uk can you explain in more detail why you think the examples are a non issue? 😊

Gav88uk I've only ever been gh0sted after payment, these examples seem like a none issue to me if I'm honest 🙄

Bettercallsaul I struggle with this sometimes. I've no problem with sellers reaching out but it's sometimes hard to know if they just want to chat or are expecting a quick sale. Anyone that asks straight out if I'm interested I'll always give a response. Some sellers just want to vanilla chat though and were I to terminate the conversation it would seems rude to me.

ThongDelight Well done Juicy G 😘😘

Coriliciouz Enjoyed reading this! Thank you for the blog

Coriliciouz This happens all the time! It irks me so much lol but what can we:(

GoddessMissy Such a great read, thanks so much for sharing and taking the time to write this and compile the various views. I took a hiatus from here for a wee while because a guy I worked with for a good few months 👻 me. You get so close and intimate with some buyers, I guess it’s inevitable it’ll 💔 your heart. Thanks again ❤️

Heytheyarelovely Fab read I really enjoyed xx

Ray_davis Thank you for writing this, as a buyer it can be a huge step to take messaging someone. If I am not interested, I’ll say no thank, and expect both parties to move on.

MrsG Thankyou everyone for the love 💖🫶

MissMackenzie @NekoSadomasochist I agree with you

NekoSadomasochist Interesting read. Personally, I find the whole "take the hint" things really frustrating. I'm autistic and don't do well with social customs like that. I would much rather be told outright that you're not interested. As long as you say it politely, I won't be offended or find it rude at all. No reply is what offends me and what I find rude. I do appreciate getting more perspective though and I get why it may feel awkward to say no. It really shouldn't though, just saying "thanks for your message but I'm not interested in what you offer, have a good day" is a very polite and friendly way of saying no that is unlikely to upset, as an example of what you can say if you feel a bit nervous! The use of emojis can also help, as it makes your tone clearer. Overall, a very helpful read, thank you for posting 😊

Daylight_desires Really great blog, love the input from both buyers and sellers here too, it definitely puts a bit of perspective out there for everyone

Pocketprincess Love this, thank you 💕

SuccyfuccyfeetwithMolly This is a great blog! It's great to see the perspective from both sides. Being gh0sted definitely sucks, especially when it seems to be completely out of the blue.

AlbasAntics Well said, I’m glad I’m not alone in getting into my own head when I’m gh0sted x

ChasingSavannah I love that you included input from other sellers and buyers too! Great read 😘

Ardenaz This was a very nice read and very interesting to read about both buyer’s and seller’s perspective on the matter. Thank you for sharing @MrsG 🥰

Bingbong I’ll be honest the amount of sellers who have messaged me out the blue and then gh0sted me after my first reply before even having a conversation is staggering, something I’ve never understood lol