Maintaining A Healthy Relationship As A Sex Worker

BrookesBottoms By BrookesBottoms 469 views

Maintaining A Healthy Relationship As A Sex Worker

My husband and I have been married now for 8 years and together for a total of 14 years. We now have 2 kids a house and are settled into life, but often times that monotony gets old.

If you're anything like me, and I think many of us sellers are similar, you like attention, all the attention. (haha). My husband is phenomenal and does give me plenty of attention but my thirst just wasn't quite getting quenched.

I heard about selling foot pictures, used panties and many other things through TikTok. At this point, I brought it up to my husband. We both discussed what EACH of our boundaries were and what we felt comfortable sharing of ourselves. We were both brand spanking new to the kink/fetish community and didn't quite know what we were getting ourselves into.

I started just on Instagram initially selling foot related stuff. I wasn't well educated, didn't really know what I was doing, and had a TON of time wasters and quickly gave up. Then I heard about All Things Worn, a place where buyers go specifically for purchases.

At this point, realizing I was going to be branching out a bit more, the boundaries talk had to be re-touched. I WILL mention, that my journey on ATW hasn't been smooth sailing from day 1, and my husband and I HAVE struggled. I'm here to share what I've learned about HOW to maintain a healthy relationship while still sharing a big part of yourself.

Of course, this is what I have learned and I'm sure there are partners out there with less/more boundaries and figuring out what works for YOU is the most important.

Boundaries

Boundaries are HUGE! Your boundaries and your partner's boundaries MAY not line up, and that is 100% okay. You may have hard limits and soft limits and limits are always changing.

When I first started here I was showing A LOT less than I am now, however, No Nudity remains consistent. BE SPECIFIC! Get a notebook and write down EXACTLY what those boundaries will be.

Are you showing your face? Partial Face? Are you going to include your nose in your partial face or not? You may think that being that particular is ridiculous but if it helps everyone feel more comfortable and writing it down helps you remember the boundaries, it's worth it.

Boundaries also change along with comfort levels. You may find at the beginning your partner is okay with something and then once you start offering it, they realize they aren't as comfortable as they thought they would be. Or the reverse where they start to become more comfortable and are okay with showing and sharing a bit more.

Revisiting boundaries, setting a date on the calendar and ensuring that regular discussions happen to make sure everyone is still on the same page is extremely helpful.

Time Management

One thing that I wasn't prepared for at the beginning was the time spent, communicating, photos, editing, etc. This is another point where my husband and I have had to alter things.

Initially when we started, taking photos was fun! My husband would get the luxury of watching me try on a bunch of different things, take photos of me posing, and slip in the occasional naughty photo just for him

Eventually, my husband had expressed concerns that our evenings were often taken up with taking photos, and videos or spent communicating with buyers, which left him feeling like we needed more time for "us".

So we sat down with that notebook again and started to come up with some "business hours". When communication is happening, when are photos being taken, and prioritizing time with each other?

Communication and Openness

This will of course vary from person to person. Some partners are fine letting you have free reign and not checking in, and that's fine. IF this is you, and you do still have boundaries, DON'T take this level of trust for granted.

Speaking from experience, prior to sending that message that is "on the line" think to yourself IF your partner were to read it, how would they respond? I will be 100% open and honest in saying that I have broken that trust and we HAVE had to re-build to get to where we are now.

I have a terrible memory and often forget the exact specifics of what we have agreed to and this is why I highly recommend writing down what everyone is comfortable with so that you always have something to reference if you are unsure. Some partners want to read everything and have access to every conversation, some just want to read/see the naughty ones, and some like to touch base on your "regulars". Again, this is where COMMUNICATION is so important.

Pushing Boundaries (no)

THIS is where I struggle. My limits are quite a bit further than my husband's, and I often catch myself being like "oh come on! This part of the video is SO hot! Please!" This has probably been the one thing I have struggled with the most.

My husband DOES review almost all photos and all videos prior to sending, and there are times that while watching a video, there is a part that he feels uncomfortable with.

DON'T BEG! You don't want to push your partner outside of their comfort space. As I mentioned, this HAS been the hardest part for me, so I have had to make some adjustments to how I do things to ensure I don't push him past what HE is comfortable with sharing.

One thing I have done to help this is, making my videos WAY longer than they need to be. *wink wink​* which means if it's all approved, your video ends up being quite a bit longer than what you've paid for *wink wink*.

By making my videos longer than they need to be, it leaves me wiggle room to cut bits and pieces out that are too far for him, that way I don't need to record the WHOLE video over again. (same goes for photos, take extras so you have wiggle room).

Of course, this is just what I have learned and there are SO many different dynamics on the site and what works for one may not work for another. The two biggest takeaways are communication and extremely clear boundaries are always important in every aspect of a relationship, not just sex work.


By BrookesBottoms

My Standard Wear is 48hr for Almost All Items. EXCEPT Clearance πŸ’— As well as 2 photos/day. All items are vacuum sealed, and come with a personalized note, sealed with...

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Comments

XenaRiley I love this article! My partner is who suggested I start an OF and then I found this site. Even though it was his idea I still clear everything with him first just to be sure it’s something he’s comfortable with me sharing.

AngeliqueDay This was a great read! I was considering doing this when I was still with my ex, and a lot of these points were things we started talking about. Now that I'm single, hoping that once I do meet someone that I can be honest with them about my kinky side 😊

ChauffeurSubLee Awesome read! I'm single Myself but would like to think if I Met anyone and they were involved in this field that they'd show same honesty and transparency! X

LadyDarina Its amazing how everything comes down to communication.

Domina Love this! We discuss everything, He is a lot more involved than either of us planned but we're enjoying it. Open, honest communication has to be the most important part and I agree don't push boundaries!

Lululocxxx Thank you sooo much for sharing with us! That was super insightful πŸ’–

MrsLabidoLoco Such a a great readπŸ’š i was naturally extremely shy even thought weve been together 15 yrs so sw has brought me & hubby closer together In ways I didn't expect.πŸ’ž

ChocolateCookie @BrookesBottoms I totally get what you mean by enhanced sex life!!πŸ™ˆπŸ™ˆ then there's the part where being here is such a tease sometimes. My sex drive is WAY up!

BrookesBottoms @Wetandsmelly86 you're very welcome πŸ’• obviously different partners will have different comfort levels πŸ’• but it's enhanced our sex life tremendously and we've even tried out some stuff we've learned here 😏🀣

Wetandsmelly86 I'm not in a relationship but I really like knowing all of this. I always thought what happens if I do decide to be with someone? How will that effect what I do. Good read thank u

BrookesBottoms Thanks everyone πŸ’•

BrookesBottoms @HeWolf72_Owned_by_BrookesBottoms ah! That was something I forgot to touch on! Shoot. Lol

UndeniablyKinky This was a great read, thank you for sharing this darling 😘😘

MidwestMom Thank you so much for this. It's always inspiring to see successful sellers that are married with boundaries. There's definitely a delicate balance to it ❀

Lucillebells Such a good read. Thank you so much for sharing. πŸ’•

HeWolf72_Owned_by_BrookesBottoms 🐺Excellent blog, my Queen! πŸ‘‘ The fact that your husband is onboard is a huge plus and was one of the many things that attracted me to you in the first place. I've found that working within your and his boundaries has really encouraged us both to be more creative and I love those extra video minutes!

FoxyMamaM Thank you for sharing!


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