Mental Health And Selling Kinky Items

Seller Sellers’ Perspective

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But it’s not s**y!

Talking about mental health doesn’t seem the s**iest topic in vanilla life let alone on a kink site. It almost induces a small fear of being seen as a label or a diagnosis rather than a person, that my mental health somehow diminishes my s** appeal or ability to be s**y.

But it’s simply not true, having a mental health problem does not make you less s**y or desirable, it makes you human!

I actively talk about mental health, and I’ve done some blogs touching upon it before but this time I wanted it to be rawer.

Talking about it kind of adds to that little nagging voice saying it’s not s**y or nobody will want to play with you if they know, but that’s simply not the case! So, by writing this blog and sharing more about my journey and experience I hope that it shows that mental health doesn’t define our worth or make us any less wanted.

A vital topic

Unfortunately, there is still a stigma around mental health and by talking about it or being open to discussions about it we slowly chip away at it!

It doesn’t belong on a kink site, well actually I very much disagree! Because from personal experience I’ve met so many wonderful people here who have helped me on my bad days and being a seller has taught me a lot about myself and my struggles.

So, don’t ever be afraid to ask for help or take a break if it’s becoming too much because you’re just as valid and worthy of being here alongside everyone else.

But I digress , by talking openly here we start that dialogue , we make everyone feel welcome and included and most importantly we shed a spotlight on the fact we are all human and that being a buyer or seller can come with enough challenges and can be lonely or even draining at times. It reminds us to be mindful of others and their feelings.

The positive impact of selling

There are many positive ways in which selling has helped me with my mental health.

I have met some very supportive people and for me the most beautiful thing about that is the compa**ion of strangers, people who don’t know me have reached out and offered a listening ear or a kind word.

It’s helped develop a thick skin. It’s helped me grow in self-confidence and inner strength, I’ve dealt with some awful people and over time I’ve learned how to flip my thinking and remind myself that I am comfortable, happy and ok with who I am.

Getting lost in kink, now maybe kink is a coping mechanism for me, I know it can be for some and that’s good, as long as it’s healthy and manageable then I say go for it! But personally, speaking it’s my time to just let go and be me, to be the woman I want to be or know I can be and on my bad days when I’m Kinks and not me it can give me that boost I need.

Now for the negatives

Sometimes I can find stuff a bit triggering, I am getting better at managing triggers but one thing I suffer with is (and I’ll go into more detail later) is self-esteem issues. Sometimes I don’t feel good enough, I don’t feel I belong, and I know that sounds like a contradiction given what I said above about not being s**y is simply not true but that is how my brain works at times.

I have issues regulating emotions so I can swing from one to the other but ultimately, I know my issues don’t define me and that the negatives are just blips.

I do find it’s important to work on the negatives and understand why I feel like that and work on rational thinking.

Another negative is hurtful comments, name calling and such, the more you’re told something the more you believe it and it’s quite frankly draining so I can spiral at times.

Though through all the negatives I do my best to stay positive and be kind to myself because I’m still healing and working on things, and this is why kindness is hugely important to me, but I’ll cover that more as I go on.

My personal journey

I have OCD, panic disorder, GAD (generalised anxiety disorder), body dysmorphia, health anxiety and currently awaiting a**essments for ADHD and autism.

So, as you can imagine it really is a roller coaster of emotions and struggles, even writing this makes me nervous because I don’t want to be judged or seen as just labels, but I know talking helps and sharing makes others feel less alone.

I wanted to lay this all out and show the rawness of who I am.

I constantly try share positivity because it’s who I am but also, I know how it feels to be low or feel stuck, trapped, helpless or in a black hole.

I have days where it just feels unbearable and overwhelming but it’s never hopeless! I have worked hard on techniques, I have therapy, I study, I face it, I learn, and I grow and I’m not ashamed of my mental health journey, I’m actually a very open book.

I’m hugely pa**ionate about helping others and grinding away at the stigma that so many people face, the ignorant comments and the stupid remarks.

Talking has helped me, and it’s made me see I’m not alone, that there is no shame and simply it can’t be helped, mental health issues aren’t a choice, but kindness is.

So, if you’re reading this and any of it feels familiar know you’ll be ok.

Anxiety is tough but you’re tougher and no matter how dark there is always light ready to shine.

Learning to love me

I have battled with my self-esteem for years, I was bullied relentlessly at school and college even by staff, I have been made to feel I’m not good enough, I’ve been told I am ugly and such.

Mud sticks and it hurts because as I said above get told something enough you begin to believe it , in my mind acceptance from others was always like a measurement, kind of like you must be so tall to ride this ride , well my thought process was you must be this attractive to be socially accepted and included .

But over time and as I got older, I realised that who I am is the s**iest thing I can be and that learning to love and accept myself regardless of what others think is very freeing!

I’m not everyone’s cup of tea but I don’t care I’m not a mug, I’m a what you see is what you get person. I love and play hard, I care and give, I’m blunt. I am who I am!

Constantly seeking the approval others is fruitless because it’s time wasted, it’s time that could be better spent.

How does this impact you as a seller?

Sometimes I just can’t feel present or as interested as I would like, I can feel a little deflated or disheartened at times and sometimes I just want to stop because it feels all too much.

In all honesty I don’t always feel s**y or great about myself, I get in the mood to take some pics, and I just don’t like how I look.

Sometimes it stops me wanting to offer something, I get nervous that it won’t be good enough or I question who would want me.

It holds me back at times, I love what I do and I’m so pa**ionate and I’m good at what I do and sometimes I just have to remind myself of that.

So, what do I hope to achieve with this blog?

Writing helps me ma**ively, I enjoy it with a pa**ion and if it helps just one person then that’s amazing but I’m hoping as well as giving you an insight into me it will teach some kindness.

The internet is a marvellous place but so often we hide behind a screen forgetting the people on the other side feel, struggle and may be fighting battles nobody knows about. Just remember to be kind, to be mindful of your words.

I want anyone else that may be struggling to know you’re not alone, that it does get better and you’re worthy.

It’s ok not to be ok.

It’s ok to take a break, to ask for help.

Be kind to yourself and your mind.

Any tips?

Self-care is a must! Take a bath or shower, watch your favourite movie or TV show, go for a walk, pamper yourself, have something nice to eat. Take time for yourself and do what brings you some joy or comfort.

Take breaks, when it feels a little too much take time for you and don’t feel guilty for it, take time to recharge.

Reach out and talk to someone, a friend or a professional. For years I was stubborn, didn’t think anything was wrong and then I started to open up and it’s helped me so much.

Show the support and kindness you wish to be shown.

Thank you for reading.

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