The Psychology of Fetishes: Empathy vs Sympathy

Hello to all of you kinky beings out there! For those of you that do not know me, I’m BB! I’m a big, beautiful, extremely empathetic mom and psychology student that gets her rocks off by connecting with you naughty people online. Today I’m here to talk about a little bit of psychology. Now, you might wonder why I would want to talk about something like this on a site like ATW, but honestly- this is the best place for it! To be honest, picking people’s brains on platforms like ATW is what really encouraged me to start my education in psychology. Kink and fetishes usually come from some form of event, trauma, or neglect that we’ve experienced in the past. Everything that has happened to us, or has not happened and left a longing, has shaped us into who we are.

Sympathy Vs. Empathy

This brings me perfectly to what I wanted to talk about: sympathy vs. empathy. So what is empathy and why is it so different from sympathy? Empathy connects us while sympathy disconnects us. To have empathy, you have to be able to take the perspective of another person and recognize their perspective as their truth without judgment (not easy because we all enjoy a little judgment, don’t we?). You need to be able to recognize emotions in other people and communicate that. Take BDSM for example (if you play the safe way). As a good dom(me), top, daddy, or whatever dominant title you have, you have to watch and listen during play. You have to take your partner’s emotions into account to keep them safe. Have you pushed them too far? Sometimes as the dominant, you deal with subs that are afraid to use their voice, so sharing emotions and connecting with them is crucial. Empathy is just that- sharing emotions with someone else. Feeling their feelings with them. To do this is very brave. For example, you notice Tom fell down into a dark hole. Tom tells you that they are stuck, it’s dark, and it’s overwhelming. You can have sympathy for Tom and say, “Well, that sucks. Need some water?” or you can take some of that darkness on, feel it yourself, and connect with Tom. Instead of saying “that sucks,” you can empathize with Tom and say “Hey, I know it’s dark. You’re not alone.” Empathy is a light, and empathy is a choice.

Being empathetic can be scary. You have to really be careful not to take on too much of another's feelings. To really connect with someone in whatever situation that they are in, you basically have to bring yourself to be in that same situation. Usually this means that in some way in the past, you've been in this situation as well. If this situation is a dark hole, you're choosing to go back into that dark hole that you clawed your way out of just to sit with someone else and help them out. In most cases, empathy never comes from "at least" statements. "You're stuck? At least you're not dead." "You're sick? At least you're still able to work." "Your dog died? At least you got to spend a whole day with him before he went." These statements do not help and actually push the hurting person away. It makes the person feel as if what they are feeling isn't valid. People don't feel better from advice or words, they feel better with connection.

Building Connections on ATW

From my experience in the past year here, just as many (if not more) people come (pun intended) to ATW looking for connection as they do to get their rocks off. If you get the pleasure to have the opportunity to connect with a buyer, try to really understand them. I'm not talking about bugging the anonymous Instant Content buyer, I'm talking about the buyers that you give tasks to. The buyers that you humiliate and dominate. Even the ones you blackmail. Take that extra minute or two to really get to know them on a human level, I promise it will only heighten the experience for the both of you. This will work even with the people you wear panties for. Buyers, same goes to you! If you take time to connect with your seller before you actually get a whiff of their delicious panties, they will smell even better! It will definitely build the excitement, too!

Conclusion

So, my dear kinky friends, whether it’s wanting to be the best dom(me) you can or wanting to make it longer than a few weeks or months in a place like ATW, I say try to use some empathy. Especially during humiliation tasks and degrading. I encourage buyers to try and connect and show empathy as well. Not only will it heighten your experience with your seller, but it will also give you a glimpse of who they really are. Afterall, we are all just broken humans trying to connect and not be stuck in that dark hole alone.

By BBWBigAndBusty1

Hey there, friends 🤗 I'm BB- a sassy, fat assy BBW/SSBBW mom and college student that gets wet at the thought of you sniffing my panties 😈 I'm not huge on...

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