How ATW Has Empowered Me After Trauma

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Trigger Warning: This post discusses domestic abuse, sexual assault, trauma recovery, boundary setting, and the emotional impact of surviving an abusive relationship. While we don't go into graphic detail, some readers may find these topics upsetting. Please look after yourself and read only if you feel comfortable doing so.

Okay, I know, big topic! Don’t worry, I won’t get too detailed. But to give some background, I managed to flee an abusive relationship after fearing I would never be able to. I was absolutely destroyed & it has taken years to build enough self-belief back up & to fully start thriving & not just surviving.

When something like that happens you question everything you did wrong & shame yourself. But I have learned that nothing I did was wrong & that absolutely no-one deserves to be treated like that. Living in such fear does things to your psyche & well-being that is hard to put into words, it’s truly heart-wrenching to think of the years I have lost due to the actions of another person. Never again will my worth, how I choose to spend my time, what my interests are, how I present myself & my true nature be dictated by someone else.

I am such a huge advocate for those struggling with similar situations or trauma of any kind, I never want anyone to suffer in silence & have helped multiple women get the help they needed because everyone deserves safety & to have a voice.

I’m at a stage where I am healed enough & have found myself again, thus deciding to do something I’d been thinking about for a while - to take the plunge & join ATW! I have been on here for a few months now & can safely say that the community, the confidence boost & the way it has helped me really get back in touch with my kinky side has been nothing short of spectacular.

Being able to work in such an empowering job, knowing that I am doing this because I can with no-one telling me otherwise and building such awesome connections with like-minded beings is a breath of fresh air. I was made to believe I would never amount to anything, that I was impure, dirty & worthless. How absolutely wrong all of that was.

The people I’ve had the pleasure of working with & connecting with (both buyers & sellers) on this site have proven that tenfold. There is nothing wrong with having sexual desires, fantasies & kinks, I’m sad that I was made to believe that there was but so very happy that I can now freely embrace my sexuality again.

Understandably, for a long time I wanted nothing to do with sex after what was done to me. Now I’m taking back what’s mine, owning my wants & desires & feeling more sexy by the day. In addition to this I also feel that being a seller, working my ass off & doing well, gives me that sense of saying a big F**K YOU to that entire relationship. Being able to explore my switch side again has unleashed such a truly wonderful energy for me.

I have enjoyed switching for many years, especially being submissive, but after DA & SA it can feel as though it overlaps too much & you don’t want anything to do with those dynamics. These days that’s all changed, I’m back with a fire in my belly, a phoenix re-born! With a very naughty mind that is thoroughly revelling in getting to play & engage in kinky dynamics, but most importantly, feeling safe whilst doing so!

I’d like to touch on the fact that there have been a few times here where, given my history, I’ve not always been the best at setting boundaries.

However, over time I have got better with this, which has also helped to add to the feeling of empowerment & accomplishment. Thinking I might never be able to set boundaries, in life as a whole, was tricky to navigate. I’ve grown more used to it & applying it here, being able to say no & not doing something I’m not comfortable with has helped me prove to myself just how far I’ve come.

The slow days, the difficult days, the days where you can’t help but compare yourself to other sellers - they are all part of this & I’m proud of myself for being able to bounce back quickly, not get triggered if I’m not someone’s cup of tea & knowing that there’s no need for comparison, all of us sellers have something to offer & are unique in our own ways. Seeing the way sellers cheerlead for one another has completely warmed my heart & made me feel part of something I never thought I would after feeling so disconnected, lonely & helpless. Not to mention the buyers that take their time to get to know you as a person, show so much respect & genuinely make this job such an incredible one to have.

Another thing worth mentioning is the dire financial situation said relationship saw me get me into & the knock on effect that had over the years that followed. It can feel demeaning being in your early 30’s knowing that things didn’t turn out how they should have, money & finances are no exception to this. Being my own boss, getting to work how I want to & finally being able to treat myself to things without feeling guilty has given me a sense of independence I’ve not felt before, even when I was previously self-employed.

The personal growth I’ve made in this short time is mind-blowing in the best way. This site has honestly changed my life & I cannot wait to see what more there is in store as I have no plan on stopping at any time soon! I have become the Queen I was always meant to be & this journey of self-discovery is one I am so thankful for.

Thank you for reading this & taking a little peak into my strange world. Sharing my past is something that helps me express who I am & I hope that it can inspire you, even in a small way, to remember who you are, how valuable you are & that you deserve to love who you are x

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