How to Approach Dominants and Submissives with Respect

BDSM Tips For Sellers

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When being active in the BDSM scene it is important to ensure you are approaching others with respect. Whether you are a Dominant or a Submissive – there is a right and a wrong way to approach others. Whether you are simply seeking out an item for your own personal kinks and fetish hunger or looking for a D/S relationship, manners are key.

Some people make it very simple for you with the name they put out to the word; Miss, Mistress, Goddess, Domina, Alpha, Daddy, Mommy, Sir – the list goes on. It is important that if you have seen these honorifics to use them when engaging in contact with these Dominants. Honorifics are how you convey respect. You will not get far if you are in the mind set that Dominants are here to be your personal kink dispensers. A true Dominant demands respect from others and submissives whether they have never met before, or are coming back for further engagement.

When approaching a Dominant, whether you know their honorifics or not – start with a simple Hello Mistress or Hello Sir. This will gain you a foot holding with them because you are showing respect right from the beginning. If you start a conversation off with someone being rude because your kink is to be humiliated and this is how you believe it will be satisfied with no true engagement with the other person it shows your immaturity and lack of respect for the person and boundaries.

That being said, a Dominant should not engage in a humiliation scene without setting boundaries, gaining consent, having a safe word or by using the traffic light system. Yes, the person may have approached you and made it very obvious they want to be talked down too and humiliated, but that does not mean that is how you should engage with them immediately. You can advertise your mood and your approach to the craft on feeds very easily, this is what likely has enticed someone to approach in the first place. But this does not mean that you need to hand out your skills for free.

Submissives deserve to also be treated with respect. Let’s say that again a little louder for the people in the back. Just because someone has a humiliation kink or has a fetish that they think should be made fun of does not mean as a Dominant that you proceed to do this without consent. When you have someone start a conversation with you, showing you respect, you should engage with them in the same manner.

Talk to each other like human beings, we all deserve that. If you are a Findom and have advertised that people need to tribute before beginning a conversation, sometimes you may need to reiterate that. A simple reminder, without inadvertently engaging in a scene prior to consent is easy. You can be firm and to the point without being degrading when you are not even clear that someone is ok with this kink.

Being direct and to the point without compromising your integrity as the Dominant is something that needs to be practiced more regularly. It is surprising how easy it is to slip into a scene without setting a foundation and safety and using a word that is very triggering for someone causing them to disappear into a sub drop and not being given appropriate aftercare.

Being a part of the BDSM community begins and ends with safety and a large part of that is boundaries and respect for others.

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