By Twentytwofive 519 views 8th Oct 2024
I want to express myself and nourishing a small hope of inspiring and encouraging others to embrace their full selves. It’s a personal and vulnerable journey.
I don’t know for sure. Who does? I feel masculine, always did. There are ambivalences. I'm kindhearted. I'm reflected. I'm an evolving feminist. Muscles I got too, and I like them and to use them. Peacefully. I'm 45 and I can do lever and full planches. Yeah, that power feels awesome. See, a d*ck and alpha affections I got to handle too. Here comes the issue. As many men of my age, I'm socialized in toxic environments. Seeking strength and power is in me. But so is longing for compa**ion. I was born that way, a human being. In modern times that feels like a paradox to me. It creates a lot of conflict, guilt and shame.
Guilty! Of many things in the past: Not listening, dominance, offering physical solutions instead of hugging and evaluation. s**ism? - no denial. I was brought up to that. Sausage parties at work solved any problem one way or the…no one way. Women? They talk feelings, men talk serious ROI. There were many faults. I always knew I betrayed my values.
To be raised in a toxic environment leads to suppression. As a boy I learned fast to limit my emotional capacity. A lot of men I talked to, had experienced the same, many even worse. Boys cannot shed a tear when being hurt. You cannot share. You take. You don't listen. You do. You don't need anybody – do it yourself mentality...a lot of pressure, stripped of happiness. Feelings are for girls. You don’t go to your buddy and hug him because he had a bad day. Soon you are stonewalling many if not every emotion that is not anger or horniness. Accepted feelings for men. Once I became of age, s**uality was for many years my one and only guaranteed access to my inner self, to feel myself.
I reflected on my masculinity and s**uality. I developed shame for being born with a d*ck. d*cks are a problem. See politics. I limited fun and clipped my male ego. I identified it as a problem, a cause. So, for some years of my life, I had basically three emotions to work with: horniness, anger, shame...everything else was a risk and therefore denied or suppressed. I could have become president of any stupid men country. Shouting nonsense all day. A trap for many men I suppose.
It makes things worse. It doubles the overall suffering. The harm is done. It doesn’t allow an apology in contrast to guilt. You can make mistakes, you can acknowledge them, you can apologize and work on improvement. You will be forgiven.
…like many men did and do. I’m proud of you man. A correction of toxic socialization. It’s hard work. In this case it’s men’s work. Sure, nearly impossible without the support of good people. Luckily, I had many around. I watched; compa**ionate people don't p**p their pants when they get emotional. They don't panic in anger if they feel overwhelmed. They use their feelings to get things straight. Sort it out. Evaluate themselves. I understood at some point, to have limited access to feelings is a critical limitation not only to happiness but to get things done for real. My skills evolved but so did my feelings of shame. A modern suppression of me being a s**ual masculine being, a pushy d*ck at times, I only sometimes allowed to show in bed.
Here it comes. Exploring myself in this wonderful community took an important barrier. In contact with sellers, I never feel ashamed or judged. I'm treated kindly and with tremendous understanding. I showed myself vulnerable. I wrote a profile that hints that. More importantly I learned quickly to show what I'm in need of. Sellers encourage me to do so by being natural and easy. I learned to trust myself, even my d*ck. Acceptance. No need to feel ashamed for what turns me on. I learned to accept that my cute silly alpha male ego is part of me. Even better it's wanted and loved...this community offers consent and naughty preferences. Oh, my are you sellers skilled! So mindful, kind and generous. First time in my life I can have it all, my true potential, I can be a “real” (complete) man – so to say a proud human with a d*ck and show all my good things around – and some like it, no one blames me.
One might argue it’s a service, a transaction. You get what you pay for. I totally agree - you reap what you sow. You can throw 5$ to a seller, and you get thrown something back, worth a few dollars. You can ask for something personal you get something personal back. You can value efforts; you will be valued back. Speaking for myself. I have wonderful experiences with many surprises. The transaction is crucial to me. I can say what I want without feeling guilt or shame. It is safe for me. It’s consent. I learned to accept that playful s**y male ego – that alone feels masculine, more so the full spectrum of what I am.
Masculinity for me is being a decent human with a proud d*ck and skilled timing on when to emphasize which. Modern masculinity is awesome – I can have it all!
Thank you for reading. Embrace yourself. Stay kind, kink and proud.
Short: I got some brain, a lot of kindness in my heart, a big d*ck, reflections on modern masculinity. Continue for some praise and fun Sellers you are awesome. What you do...
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