Locked & Loving It: An Introduction to Chastity Kink

Rules & Guides Buyer Dom/sub Buyers’ Perspective

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It feels to me like chastity is an increasingly popular kink. And, that's good in my opinion because it's also one that I personally love!

That said, I haven’t seen many blogs about chastity here on ATW.

Having written blogs externally in the past about such topics, I thought I’d throw together a bit of a guide for those who might be interested, especially sellers encountering buyers who are into chastity for the first time.

As a guy who’s had an extensive experience being in and out of chastity devices plenty of times over the last 8 years (and YES, I am wearing one as I write this!), here’s what I think the unknowing might want to know, plus some frequently asked questions I’ve had in my time.

Usual disclaimers, everything I say here is opinion. It’s definitely worth going off and doing your own outside reading and research on the topic to get a broad picture.

Let’s start with the basics...

What is Chastity Kink?

At its core, Chastity play is simply restricting a person to have access to their genitals. The idea being to limit their ability to masturbate, have sex or pleasure themselves.

Normally, of course, this restriction comes in the form of a device, a locking chastity belt/cage etc that prevents access to the wearer. But, it can also be a purely mental or psychological thing – a promise made to a dominant (or yourself) that you will not engage in sex or masturbation without permission.

It is often part of something that is practiced as part of power exchange kink, usually submission, femdom etc. where a dominant gets to decide how long a submissive loses access for.

However, it doesn't have to be! Some people do it purely to tease themselves and enjoy the sensation or to stop themselves being distracted by masturbating or having too much sex.

And I should add, whilst it definitely seems most popular with those who have male body parts (particularly submissive men) it’s something all adults can enjoy! There are devices and accessories designed for people of all genders, making it a kink anyone can explore.

I’ll focus my writing mainly on those of us born male with male parts here though because I know it best (duh!) and we seem to be the biggest market for it. Just keep in mind, it’s for everyone!

Wait, what? WTF would someone want to do that?!

For countless reasons! Everyone will have their own list of “likes” about chastity. But in my experience, it's one or many of the following:

Physical Sensation: the feeling of a device around your cock and balls, constantly tugging and pulling/squeezing is an exciting sensation

Tease & Denial: they love to be teased and wait for pleasure (sometimes the longer you go without orgasm and the hornier you are, the bigger it is when it finally comes!)

Submission & Control: the more horny they are, the more submissive they feel

Heightened Partner Interest: they want a partner to be interested in or attentive to their genitals

Power Exchange Thrill: they get a thrill from power exchange. And giving up access to parts of their body and their sexuality is giving up a LOT of power!

The great thing about chastity is it can be as intense and serious or as fun as you want. It can be a spiritual journey of self improvement or motivation for better behaviour and personal goals. Equally a bit of fun to make your orgasms bigger and more kinky!

It also overlaps with so many other fetishes, kinks and fantasies, especially the power exchange ones.

Findom, femdom, cuckolding and sex change for example are just a few kinks among many that you’ll often find using chastity as a “side dish” to enhance the experience in some way for their participants.

There really are so many reasons people like it and so many different ways it can fit into kink play. It’s such a great and versatile thing!

But where does their need to do it come from? Why do they like this?

Again, everyone is an individual. And, just like any other sexual taste, a chastity kink can form from any amount of reasons.

I haven’t come across much formal research on the psychology behind chastity kink, but based on my experience, I can share my perspective. For many men who enjoy chastity, it often stems from one or two deep psychological factors:

Desire for Attention & Ownership

The craving for a partner to be interested in our genitals. This is very obvious, isn’t it? We really want another person to be interested in our cock and balls. Especially if we are heterosexual. For straight men, the notion that a woman “claims” our genitals as her own and keeps them for herself, is deeply rooted in our psychological needs for access to sex and breeding rights. It ties to the need for being wanted. For being seen and being viewed as useful as a man, in a call back to our oldest gender roles, fulfilling the need to be a producer of semen and the need to be coveted and cherished as such.

Shame & Control Over Sexuality

We want a partner to share our sexuality and our body, but we are also ashamed of it. And perhaps sometimes, a little bit frightened of it? Our lust burns so strongly and our sexual thoughts and appetites sometimes feel too much or are shameful to us. We want to share that sexuality with others but equally we want to control it, or to have it controlled. Locking up our genitals and preventing sexual access to them is deeply symbolic to this. Our lust is controlled and we are “safe” from it. “Deactivated” and controlled so we can be civilized. Again, the overlap with traditional gender roles here for men is very deep and complicated.

These are just my opinions though! And, I don’t doubt they wouldn’t apply to everyone anyway, even if they are right!

Ok, but where did YOUR chastity fetish come from?

My very earliest sexual thoughts were of kink (usually femdom and physical punishment) and as a teen my brain developed the ability to sexualise social shame (a psychological defense mechanism I believe, but that's for another blog!)

When I was much younger, I had a crush on a girl. A really lusty one. The sort you get when you are a horny teenager? I was ashamed of it though and I didn't have the confidence or experience to deal with it or tell her I’d like to be her boyfriend.

One day though, I told my best friend about it.

It turned out he wasn’t such a good friend because a few weeks later, he made fun of me about it in front of her!! I was SO embarrassed and ashamed. I remember crying myself to sleep and telling myself I’d never ever admit to having a crush on someone ever again. I still had sexual feelings about her of course, but now they were all just jumbled up with being ashamed and embarrassed even more. I could never talk to her or even look at her again after what he said though.

With hindsight all of this was very immature and silly! But I was young. and dealing with feelings like this for the first time. The pain I felt from that event was so terrible, I remember it to this day.

Years went by and my brain did its thing in the background. It took the social shame from that event and pushed it through the “mechanism” to sexualise it and turn the “loss” into a “win.”

By 22, I was already a big fan of tease and denial (perhaps in part thanks to that event) - when one day, I was reading kinky stories on a well know adult erotic literature site and I came across one about a man who had a dominatrix lock his penis in a chastity device. She humiliated him for his sexual feelings and carefully controlled when he could experience sexual pleasure.

Something in my brain clicked. The idea of it made me so horny, I thought I would explode! I’d discovered a new kink!

Looking back, I’m certain, this was the final output of that embarrassing event. I’d turned my shame and fear at having my sexuality exposed publicly to someone I liked, into something I wanted.

Maybe other chastity peeps have similar stories!

How long can a man wear a chastity device?

There is no clear answer to this one I’m afraid! With a really well fitting device, good hygiene and lots of support/practice, it could really be a long time. There are stories online from pro-Dommes who claim they have kept men wearing chastity devices almost permanently for more than 2 years. However, like with many things on the internet, you never know the truth from fantasy.

Personally, I’ve worn one for 5 days non stop and 10 days, taking it off a couple of times to clean up a bit. Soon, with the help of a lovely lady from ATW, I’ll be trying for 15, I hope! I think with regular cleaning breaks, I could likely go a bit longer too!

How do you use the bathroom?

All devices are different but most have a hole or space at the bottom to allow fluids to come out. Normally, you have to sit down when you use the bathroom but it's quite easy to do. Also depending on the design, you can shower and bathe too – although keeping clean long term can certainly be tricky and you may need to be extra careful with hygiene to avoid infections.

Doesn’t it hurt!? What happens if you get an erection?

Yes, and it can be uncomfortable at times. You can limit this by getting a good fitting device and being careful when you put it on to make sure everything is nicely fitted. Even so, yes, you will always get SOME pinching, tugging and squeezing. That’s part of the fun! You just need to check regularly for irritation and cuts and take a break if needed.

As for erections, yes, most chastity devices will stop or reduce those and in most cases, quite painfully. The penis gets part way and then it just starts to hurt. For the really kinky, some devices have spikes in to make this even worse! It all depends on what the wearer (and any dominant in charge of them!) wants! Again, part of the fun!

How do you hide it whilst going about your daily business?

Again, depending on the device, with a good fit and some loose clothing, chastity can be hidden from view surprisingly easily!

Of course, there are ways to be exposed. Metal detectors and x-ray machines at airports and security points are one. Also having to carefully plan trips to the bathroom and changing rooms to not overlap with people can be another!

Of course, if you are a parent and have children that are regularly climbing on you, this can be a privacy issue, too.

But, generally speaking, if you are careful and plan ahead, you can keep your chastity device to yourself and the world doesn’t know! Next time you are out and about in public, look around at other people and realise that some of them might be nicely locked up!

Can you cum whilst wearing it?

It all depends on the device and the person. But, generally, yes! Many people don’t know that a penis doesn’t actually have to be fully erect to ejaculate!

You usually can’t masturbate normally or have sex with a device on, but there are many other ways to cause ejaculation. From simply just vibrating or rubbing the device in particular places, to more advanced things like prostate massage and hypnosis.

The sensation from all of these is not normally as satisfying as a regular orgasm of course! But it can be deliciously frustrating and humiliating for the right wearer to have his semen taken whilst all locked up still.

Well, it all sounds very kinky, but what are the things people don’t talk about?

Keeping clean and healthy is a big issue with chastity once you go beyond a day or two. It’s very important for chastity wearers to try and clean their devices and their parts regularly with warm soapy water. They also need to inspect themselves carefully for cuts, irritation or blisters. I’ve heard of many injuries and infections from not being careful with these practices and they are not very nice!

Overall genital health is important as well. Any medical professional would probably tell you, anything that restricts an erection isn’t very healthy. So keeping a close eye on how things feel and work is also key.

The other thing people often don’t talk about is managing sleep. A chastity device can at first feel a little clumsy and uncomfortable when laying down. Even after getting used to it, the problem of night time erections is a regular challenge!

Nocturnal penile tumescence or “morning wood” as it’s commonly called is very common and very normal in men (it's actually a sign of healthy circulation). But with a chastity device in the way, it can cause a lot of early morning wake ups and sleep interruptions. So, this is another challenge chastity wearers have to sometimes overcome.

The final thing I’d mention is this. The vast majority of chastity devices are, with a bit of effort (or a careful cut here and there), escapable. Chastity then really is mostly in the mind. The devices just make it more “real.”

How can I best interact with people who like chastity?

Everyone is different and likes something different when it comes to chastity. The best thing is to ask!

One thing many of us like is to talk about it. Many of us particularly like talking about the devices as there are many different types and options. Having a partner, especially a female one, take interest in it is often thrilling in its own right.

Other than that, everyone's tastes will vary. Many of us, I suspect, will like teasing and to be regularly reminded of our predicament! There are lots of games you can play as well (length of lock up, or tease and denial games etc.) with chastity fans. It can be great for niche sales on All Things Worn or to upsell a little bit for other fetish lovers.

So along with doing lots of reading up online, it’s really best just to go gently and ask lots of questions when you meet a chastity fan. It’s a fun and rewarding thing and definitely worth trying if you like things a little kinky!

Good luck everyone and stay kinky!

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