TRIGGER WARNING: Miscarriage, Child Loss
In May 2022, I found out I was pregnant, and my husband and I were absolutely thrilled and over the moon! I started my journey through ATW at that time and loved every second from creating relationships, building trust and gaining confidence in myself and in my pregnancy. Watching my body grow and change and create life was the most incredible thing I had ever been a part of. I felt great, I wasn’t sick at all, I was glowing and beyond happy where life had taken me. In August, we got a poor prognosis of our baby boy and were told he wouldn’t survive after birth due to defects and health issues with his heart, brain and other organs. I decided to take a break from selling panties and other items to focus on my own mental health and to figure out everything with my first pregnancy.
In September 2022, we made the best decision we could have for our family and to prevent our little boy from suffering. Three days after my procedure, I felt good and I thought I was doing okay, until I woke up and realized all my milk had come in. I started pumping and realized how big of a fetish it is for a lot of buyers! I started therapy and tried to focus on my happiness and my health. No matter how hard I was trying to be happy and healthy, I was depressed and couldn’t stop myself from crying constantly and just sitting there staring into the distance, stuck in my own head. I went to my doctor and was finally prescribed depression medication which has made a huge difference for me!
We got the “all clear” and were so excited to start trying again! My second cycle after my procedure we found out we were pregnant again. I was thrilled, this was my rainbow baby. This was my chance to make it all right and get back to being myself, or so I thought it was. About a month ago, after working night shift, I came home to sleep and when I woke up, I was bleeding heavily. I immediately started freaking out and crying hysterically. I went to my OB, and it was a confirmed miscarriage which absolutely devastated me.
After my miscarriage I realized I needed to regain my confidence and focus on myself and let life just happen when it was ready. I created a new ATW account and got right back to doing what I do best! Creating relationships, building trust and providing excellent products and customer service has been a huge game changer for me! My first month back I was able to focus solely on myself and creating items that bring joy to others, which in turn, brings an immense amount of joy to myself.
Since being back, I have gained 24 – 5-star reviews, 130 followers, 14 badges, 11,398 profile views and have completed 95 orders for happy, returning customers! Even though I still struggle from the trauma, ATW has been an amazing outlet for myself to stay busy, keep my mind occupied, and to enjoy creating and helping others fulfill their fantasies. It has also been a huge eye opener for myself and my own kinks and fantasies. It has spiced up my relationship with my husband in the bedroom and has even brought out some new kinks of his too! I have met so many amazing buyers who I have created strong relationships with and whom I consider to be close friends and even family. This community is kind, supportive and overall is just amazing and I’m beyond proud to be a part of it all. I have also met some incredible fellow sellers on ATW who have made my journey beyond incredible from giving shout outs, rewarding badges, and just from supporting one another. I look forward to seeing where this journey takes me and hopefully once we do conceive again, I’ll be able to share my journey through ATW and with my fellow sellers and long-term buyers and will provide quality, top-notch products and content!
The loss of a child is a devastating and traumatic experience for parents and family members. It can lead to intense and prolonged grief, complicated by feelings of guilt, anger, and despair. Coping with child loss can involve seeking support from loved ones, joining support groups, and seeking professional help, such as therapy or counseling. Taking care of oneself through self-care practices, such as exercise, meditation, and time in nature, can also help with the healing process. It's essential to allow oneself to grieve and to take the time needed to process the loss. With time and support, it's possible to find a new sense of normalcy and hope for the future, while honoring the memory of the child.
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