How My Dom/sub Relationship Helped Me Overcome Trauma

Seller Dom/sub Sellers’ Perspective
How My Dom/sub Relationship Helped Me Overcome Trauma

Little space, Little things

Lets start with when I first met my husband, my world, my Sir.

I started a new job at a factory. My second day was when I saw him. When I first laid eyes on him I knew he was the one. I was overwhelmed by this feeling I have never experienced before but I wanted to find out. So I chased him. I would do so many silly things to get his attention. I would walk by with intention. Bend over just right to pick things up when he was looking. Would do anything I could think of to make him look at me. I felt so funny for trying so hard but I just had to have a conversation with him, get to know him, see what he was about, what made him as a person, just anything and everything.

After a point, we started getting close and things are going great! I was in love, things were falling into place, and I was amazingly happy. I couldn’t think of a time where I had been so happy before… and then I freaked out.

Is this real? Can this be true? I thought this was only in the fairytales? Am I making a mistake? This has got to be fake…

So much went on in my head I got scared. From what I knew about relationships from past experiences, this is not how they go, something always goes wrong.

Skipping ahead 6 years we are still together and we grow stronger every day.

My little space

Now let's get into my little space. I have super high anxiety, depression, ADHD and trauma. Between having to be perfect in childhood to being abused as an adult, I had acquired many terrible habits.

“I’m Sorry”

“It's my fault”

“I should of done better”

“Girls like me will never be pretty”

“I was talking to much, I’ll talk less next time”

“I wasn’t good enough, I’ll try harder”

This list could literally go on and on.

I have struggled for a long time with these things and I still do.

My husband and I got into a Dom/sub relationship and we have never spoken so much before in our lives it seemed like. All the problems we have with ourselves came out, why we do things we do was spoken about, found out why we act the way we do was a lot due to trauma and such… and I… I was the worst…

I then found the little life, the age regression.


Sensory overload? It's ok, I’ll go hide in my little space, breathe, and calm down.

Feeling sad and just want to scream? We will sit down, he brushes my hair, and when I’m ready I’ll explain why if there is a why.

I’m sad? We will figure it out, if it's just my depression or bipolar, he will rock me, give me something to color and help me work through it.

Social anxiety? Don’t worry, Sir has me and knows how to help me and will take care of me.

There's a lot of times and I mean a lot where I sit in my little space and color, eat fruit snacks, suck on my pacifier, play with my plushies, and different other things.

My Sir knows my needs and how to help me, how to care and comfort me.

So now, instead of being completely explosive and self-isolating myself… I have help. I have somewhere I can go to let go of all adult choices behind and just forget all the troubles. I can let my brain breathe and relax and be able to communicate better with my Sir.

Using punishments to retrain trauma responses

My punishments. Oh do I get those. Just cause I’m a little, you know the soft and sweet little things, we still have punishments. But it's not what you think.

Depending on the thing done depends on the punishment. The punishment must equal the crime. If it's a little bad, it gets a little punishment. If it's a big one, it gets a big one. For example, my number one worst thing I could possibly do is degrade myself, say bad things about myself, belittle myself. This one calls for the worst punishments.

Now keep in mind, all these punishments are consent. We both sat down, made our list together, discussed the rules and punishments, and agreed to all of it. The punishments are to help better me and this is something I know. I may not like it at the time of the punishment but it is something that I have agreed too. It's to help me better myself, love myself, brain training out of all trauma responses and so forth.

Let's get down to the kinky side of things

So I have ADHD, my brain wanders and runs away and I can’t focus and here we go.. oops. So when it comes to bed time fun, sensation play is HUGE. This helps keep my brain in the scene. My type of sensation play is pain.

Now I don’t want to bleed but I want to feel something, I want it to sting, I want to hurt some. Floggers, crop, hand, paddle, wax play, etc. Now you're probably thinking… wait a minute… you were abused and beaten? Why would you like this? Bottom line consent. I want to feel alive, feel sensation, and my husband, my Sir, I have all my faith in him. He knows my boundaries, what I like, what I don’t, our discussed safe word, all of those things and most of all, my trust.

Also with my ADHD, I get lost so often. I like to start fifteen projects and not finish a single one of them. He helps give me directions and somewhere to start. He will help me pick one thing to do first and we go from there. If I get frustrated or lost, he will help redirect me. And this has helped so much in my day to day functions. I am better able to complete tasks and get things done which also gives me more time to be able to better serve him.

The other side of sensation play,

Ok - here's the weird one, are you all ready for this? Plushies…

Yep… plushies, pillows, different textured blankets or cloth. I like to, you know, rub on and love on plushies. Every plushy, pillow, blanket has a different texture. Again, I like sensations. Ever yone of these creates a different sensation for me.

This one is a hard one for me to talk about because I sometimes feel it's weird, and there's times (a lot) where I still try to hide it from my Sir. I’m not used to a life where if I like something, it's ok to like it. If it's not in a norm, it's still ok to like it. I love “playing” with my plushies, it's a different experience every time.

It is simply a texture and sensation thing for me. And I find my plushies comforting. And if I’m comfortable with them and can be relaxed and able to enjoy myself, then why not? Some people like socks, others like latex, I like plushies. I have tried pillows and blankets and those are fun too. It's a soft, sensational thing for me.

And with that being said, we are not into child play/age play. It is not that kind of thing.This is more of a caregiver little relationship. The little side is an age regression therapy for me that my Sir helps me with.

This relationship we have works for us and has done amazing things for us. Communication is at the top of our list of things that are important to us and that is what has gotten us so far and it is beautiful.

This lifestyle is not for everyone. It can be a difficult one at times. I have breakdowns, upsets, complications and they are treated differently than how most people treat them on a regular basis. For us, it works, and we love it.

This is my little story about my little life. I hope y’all enjoyed it and have an amazing rest of your day!

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