By Naughty_Fae 199 views
We live in a world where violence, war and guns are more commonly accepted than nipples. So if our kinks are more frowned upon than street fights, how can we expect ourselves to kink responsibly and with confidence?
I was about 14-15 years old when I realized that vanilla sex just ain't my thing, can't get satisfaction. How did I realize? Well, some of you might laugh others might get angry. I realized it by reading Fifty Shades of Grey. Now don't get me wrong, now I understand that the book was a very good example of manipulation and abuse, and written for the average woman who has no idea what BDSM* is. Why I'm I saying this? Because it doesn't cover the basics of BDSM. It's not SSC - safe, sane and consensual. And that's something that took me a while to understand.
*BDSM stands for BD- bondage and discipline, DS for Dominance and Submission SM - sadism and masochism
Nonetheless, this book was an entirely new world for me and lit up something inside me that I can't explain. I realized that there were more people like me and that my kinks were "valid". I am still grateful for coming across it, I mean no offence to anyone here who's read it and found it great, but Fifty Shades just scraped the surface of a very misunderstood and complex issue.
I dedicated that year to research on BDSM, consensual kink, safe words, the D/s dynamic etc, but I spent the next six years of my life with people who had no idea what I was all about. I was too ashamed and inexperienced to be clear about what I liked, and the people I had sexual interactions with only understood the bare minimum. But I found out who I was, and I came out as a bisexual submissive with high sexuality.
Since I was a child I always believed that being gay, bi, asexual, polyamorous, kinky, vanilla, fetishist - anything really - was completely normal. And I still do... And I was so naive to think that everyone else understood that and believed the same. It took me a while to realize that a big part of the world is more than ready to stigmatize you, call you crazy, freak, abnormal. Or even take advantage of you. As time went by I didn't care, I knew that I was perfectly sane and that the problem was theirs. So I learned to "adjust" to the world. I was confident - but still watching my back.
A few months ago, before I joined the site, I was sitting with a friend of mine. We were drinking wine and at some point, we started talking about our sexuality. I told him I'm a submissive, he said "wow, I didn't expect that you're so powerful in everyday life I thought you'd be a Domme" I was like "no haven't tried that yet, it's because I'm in so much control in everyday life that I just need sometimes to let go of my control". To which he replied... " Well I'm a submissive too".
After a long conversation it turned out that he spent 3 years in relationships ashamed to express what he liked and I was the first person he ever talked to about it. He's 22 years old.
This enraged me. I was confident enough to go after what I like, set boundaries and communicate my needs but I started thinking about all the people around the world that live their entire lives hiding their sexuality. Whether that is LGBTQIA+ or kinks and fetishes.
I decided to act on it, write about it, research, talk with my friends, figure out a way to talk to everyone that has been ashamed of themselves and of what they like. Why do we have to hide? Why should we be ashamed if we order sex toys or socks or panties or whips? Why are so many people so uneducated in sexual aspects? We need to talk more about safety issues and sexual health and consensual sex and so many other things that if we keep them Taboo it can be dangerous for the parties involved.
I joined ATW just about that time, along with other sites, I tried new kinks, I tried Femdom, I tried things I didn't even know I liked and found an entire community of people who understand me, and who are brave enough to explore. So now I have a message for you.
I don't know if this is something that's happening worldwide, here in Greece many people are ashamed to even visit a sex shop, or buy condoms. Don't be like those people, your sexuality is yours, sex is a major aspect of our lives and everyone should be able to enjoy what they like, with whomever or whatever they like. And maybe some people don't want to have sex at all or want to have sex but they're still a virgin and they're considered "old to be". It's okay.
Embrace your differentiation, be confident, your kinks are valid, your choices are yours and no one is allowed to judge you on them. Communicate with your partner, if they're not planning to explore with you, or if they criticize you, they're not the " One ", move on and find someone who is open-minded and understands you.
Live a life full of pleasant sexual experiences, explore new things, and do it without shame, because then you'll be an example for hundreds of people around you who are oppressed. I'm proud of you for being brave enough to defy the small-mindedness of the rest of the world and even be on this site, that is a big step!
Which means Safe, Sane and Consensual &
Risk Aware Consensual Kink
Kink responsibly my lovelies. You're all amazing.
Ps If anyone is feeling like they're in a similar position, shy, maybe ashamed to ask, still trying to figure things out, don't know where to look, where to research, my DMs are open, judgement-free, and I'll be happy to help in the extent that I can.
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