Swinging 101: A Beginner's Guide

Seller Tips For Sellers

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Hello lovely fetishists!

I’m Alice Hunter from Unicorn Hunting Blog – your free guide to swinging, threesomes and kink - and the quest for utopia therein. The lovely owners of All Things Worn have kindly allowed me to write you a little piece about swinging.

Now, as lockdown gradually ends we have all had a very (VERY) long time to mentally curate our personal sexual bucket lists, and think how we can squeeze more fun out of lives. Swinging had a bad rap in the media for a while, was the butt of jokes and snickers, yet has always been a massive sexual counterculture in society. The ‘swinging sixties’ is perhaps the most recent incarnation in living memory, yet it goes much, much further back. The relatively modern rebranding as ‘elite sex parties’ gave the scene a boost and a sorely needed image makeover, taking the mind from suburban middle-aged couples (though they are still abundant, and jolly good fun) to something altogether more Instagrammable, youthful and alluring.

What, when you get right down to it, is swinging?

Do you need a partner? And how do you start?

Gone are the days of classified ads in the back of the newspaper - the modern swing scene is online, accessible, and more open than ever. Though plenty of the big commercial events will brand themselves as very exclusive, with lingerie-clad models in monochrome draped around their websites, it’s generally a load of bullshit. Some venues have age, size and appearance criteria, many do not. There is enough variety that you can pick and choose exactly the events that suit you best.

How to Get Started:

Step 1 - Find your events

There are different events all around the country, though many are based in the big cities, and London is the true Mecca of swinger party diversity. You can check their gallery to look at what the location is like, read their rules (usually similar, but there are some differences) and prices, which nights are for which styles of play, and see if it sounds like a place you’ll fit in and want to go.

Step 2 - Apply

Most events aren’t on the door - you’ll need to book in advance and often be approved first. Make sure you have good, sexy face and face/torso (not naked) photos to submit. Be well-groomed, nicely dressed and looking your best. If you are a man, they will want to see a gentleman. A suit or tux photo is no hindrance. Many events are quite particular with single men especially, due to the number of applicants.

Step 3 - Read!

You’ll need to verse yourself on all the material the party event provides you: the rules, the arrival times, whether there are lockers to change, the dress code, etc. You can never be overprepared for your first event! Most events allow single women and couples, some allow single men, but often they will charge single men extra (boo). You might therefore want to find yourself a party partner to team up with. More on that later.

You’ll need to know the etiquette, rules and ways to conduct yourself to be successful at a swinger party. It is not a free for all! It’s better to think of it more as a house party or nightclub, where if you chat someone up and it’s going well, you don’t need to book a hotel to go have sex with them. You can do it there! Often with a circle of admirers (or willing volunteers if you want to add more people to the mix).

Swinger party pickup is a little different to regular pickup (which is why I explore the nuances extensively) but there are some basic tricks that will make sure you aren’t the creepy guy left standing in the corner.

Basic Sex Party Pickup

1. Go with others – if it’s your first event, it will be exciting, strange and nerve-wracking. Go with a partner or a few friends. Not only will you have people to talk to, but you’ll also instantly seem popular and therefore more desirable
2. Work the room – walk in smiling, happy, wave and say hi to everyone as you go around, even if you’ve never met them in your life. By the time they’ve seen you, you are already onto the next person. After you’ve done this, you can circle again and have brief chats with people who seem interested. If they are smiling, flirting, and giving you indicators of interest, carry on. If they seem shy or like they are just being polite, move on! Whatever you do, don’t be the guy standing alone back to the wall lurking in the shadows. It may be because you are nervous, but it looks creepy and people won’t approach you. Happy, light-hearted and fun is the way to go. Fake it till you make it!
3. Consent is everything! If the flirting is going well, ask your woman/man/couple how they like to play. Does it match with what you’d like to try? Can you step it up and say you’d like to try that too? Do they seem happy with this? Never stand in the shadows and wait until you see people at play then come in with a hand or stand over them pleasuring yourself. They’ve had the guts to put in the groundwork - let them enjoy it in peace! If they haven’t actively invited you, beckoned you over and made it clear they want to play with you at that moment, assume it’s a no – or a not yet! Many are the men and women, perfectly otherwise pleasant and attractive, who decided to dive in unannounced and ruin a play scene for me. People want to be asked! When you are asked, and given the choice, it is wonderful. Otherwise, it is literally a sexual assault. The best time to do it is before they are at play, otherwise, wait and see if they pick you out. Interrupting play is incredibly bad manners on the kink scene, and more of the swing scene need to follow this lead.

Finding Playmates

Events are great places to meet like-minded people, and no app or website in the world will tell you as much so quickly as getting to meet everyone in person. Nonetheless, if you are starting out and short of sexy friends, there are some things you can do to build yourself a little libertine circle of friends and sexy playmates you can go to events with.

Try the Apps: There are a lot of swinger apps, hook-up apps and more. Some are one-to-one, in which case you’ll need to make a great profile and learn how to write alluring messages, and some have more social functions, where there are groups, forums or listings for public or private events. These can be a great way to find out what is going on in your area and meet the lifestylers who do it all the time. You might even get invited to some free private parties! In addition to play events, you have advertising of the swinger socials – the non-kink equivalent of a munch. At these, you’ll meet like-minded sex-positive people for a drink, a picnic or something similar, get to know them more personally and have the opportunity to charm them, outside of a sexual play environment.

Try the social media: Though many of the social media sites are now very heavily censored (boo), there are still some, like Twitter, or Discord, where you can find forums and social groups set up for swingers. If you sign up to one with a good number of people in your area, you’ll likely make friends fast.

How to Treat Your Date as a Single Man

Coupling up with a woman just to get into a sex party as a pair, or pay less, is very common. Many of the pairs you see will not really be married couples. They might be friends, they might have met for the first time, or they might be regular or semi-regular play partners. If you are a single man looking to take a woman as your date to a party, there are some vital things you should know:

• You are not just dating your date. our appearance, conduct (and probably performance) will be relayed to all her other single swinger women friends. Probably about 150 of them. This is your interview for access to them all. So, aim to impress her Do poorly, and none will meet you. Do well, and they will all message you. Score!
• If the woman is getting a couple’s ticket with you, she will likely be paying more if you go halves than if she went as a single woman. Add into that her lingerie, waxing, taxis back in the dark, and it’s an expensive night. Pay for the whole ticket.
• Whether or not you are attracted to your date in person, don’t abandon her once you go in the door. At the very least, make sure she is safe, having a good time and check in with her as you would a good friend, or your little sister. She may not fancy you either and if she agrees to attend with you it does not mean she owes you sex. That is up to you to charm her and put her in a mental space where she is relaxed, feeling sexual and empowered. Buy her nice drinks, but don’t aim to get her drunk. And don’t spike it.
• Ensure you are showered, well-groomed and nicely dressed when you arrive. A little manscaping is completely in order, bring some cash in case there is a cash-only ticket system at the bar, and of course plenty of condoms in your size and some lubricant.
• When you have charmed someone, got their consent and are ready to play, consider how you undress. Shoes off, then shirt, then socks. Trousers, then underwear. Men walking around naked in socks or in just briefs and socks look ridiculous, and completely ruin the fantasy night you want to create for your playmates.

Finishing the Night

Events finish at different times, so plan your strategy accordingly. Often things start slow, then by closing time there are heaps of writhing bodies everywhere. I assure you, you will lose some of your clothes in the dark. If you can plan your night to wrap up an hour or so before the end, you’ll avoid the indignity of being shoo-ed out in semi-undress as the lights go up, then waiting in a queue for a taxi. Of course, make sure your date or friendship group is happy, composed and sent safely home, unless they are coming back with you for round 2.

There you have it! Everything you need to know about how to start swinging, in a nutshell. Of course, there are a myriad of factors, nuances, subtle complexities and different situations. You could write about them for years, and indeed, I have. This is your basic 101. Time to get started. Make life your bitch. Happy swinging!

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