The Abstinent Sex Worker With a Sissy Kink

Seller Sellers’ Perspective The Abstinent Sex Worker With a Sissy Kink

I know what you're thinking, how can any sex worker be abstinent? So often people use celibacy and abstinence interchangeably that they forget there is a difference between the two. Abstinence is a decision not to have sex. People can decide this for many different reasons. There's no right or wrong reason, it's just a choice. Celibacy is a vow to remain abstinent for a period of time, typically until marriage. I never made a vow to not have sex. I sort of just fell into being abstinent, for lack of a better expression. You're asking yourself "what the hell is wrong with her" aren't you? It's ok, I would be asking that too. Who in their right mind would give up sex if not for a specific reason? Apparently me, the kinkiest girl out of all my groups. Weird right?

I've always enjoyed sex, discovering myself with another person, and discovering how we mesh together. I love the chase. I got married young to my high school sweetheart after we'd been together for 3 years. But I was stupid and was divorced by age 21. After that, it seemed like I was on this never-ending cycle of bad sex partners. Guys that were all teeth when kissing, all hands in all the wrong ways, ones that went full steam ahead without ever bothering to heat up the engine. *Ouch* They were all just bad. Some of them were really great guys just really bad in bed. Some of them were great for one drunk night but not so great sober. I was young and didn't understand what I was doing wrong to attract these guys that I just didn't connect with. So I gave up looking. I didn't want to just hook up because again none of the guys I was sleeping with were scratching that itch quite right. If I'm going to end up finishing the job myself anyway why bother with them? I didn't need them when batteries were quicker. I was abstinent close to 3 years that time around.

And Then I Discovered My Kinks.

Six years ago I met a man at work. He was arrogant and cocky. He "knew" everything there was to know about a job he'd been doing for 5 minutes compared to the 4 years I had been there. He always had to be the center of attention and I hated him. Me being someone who can't control her facial expressions, he knew I hated him. At one point we were both offered a position that would mean working very close together. I didn't know what I was going to do to avoid him but I knew I couldn't afford to miss this opportunity just because of my disdain for him. So I accepted it.

For a year we had to share a desk, looking across from each other every day. I dreaded it every day for a while. Then I started noticing how funny he was and luckily for me he started noticing how much he didn't know. We worked great as a team. Together we were the dynamic duo at our company, everybody knew it, and there was nothing we couldn't get done when we got involved in a project. We became great friends. Eventually, that friendship started to bud into something more. I don't remember the exact pinpoint when it changed but I know it was fast and full speed ahead minus the physical intimacy.

My First Encounter With the Term Sissy

Before we had ever had sex one day he told me he wore women's underwear. He tried to turn it into a joke in case I was disgusted, but I knew he wasn't joking and surprisingly I wasn't disgusted. I did have so many questions though. Once he was comfortable he started telling me more about his kinks, things that I had never heard of. I used to sell sex toys so I thought I'd seen it all, boy was I wrong and naive. This is when I first heard the term Sissy.

I dove in head first learning everything. I bought books about keyholders, read blogs about pegging and forced fem. All these kinks I knew nothing about before were suddenly turning me on. Not just any sissy but this sissy who wanted to experience all these things with me was turning me on more than I had ever been. We talked about everything for months before we were ever physical. We studied each other like the back of our hands before we ever had a first kiss.

To this day I have never experienced an intimacy like that. One that comes from knowing everything there is to know about your partner. Sure when you are with someone a while or you get married you think you know your partner and all there is to them but you still keep things to yourself, tucked in the back of your mind. Those things you don't let out for fear of being judged. Not this time though. We knew every scar, every memory, every quirk there was to know about each other. He knew I needed to feel empowered over my body because of past traumas. He also knew how exhausting being in control all the time was, and that I needed someone who I could trust completely to take that control over on occasion. I knew he needed the freedom to experiment without fear I would walk away and that he could trust me to take care of him should I allow another man to use him under my watchful eyes.

We were both learning about ourselves, each other, and where we fit in. To date, it was the best time of my life and the most exposed I have ever felt. That itch nobody could ever seem to find was finally being scratched. I know most Domme's would say a Sissy can never be a Dom but I personally loved this sissy switch dynamic we had. I loved going from me pegging and edging him one day, to the next day being the one tied to a Saint Andrew's Cross. I loved sitting across from him at work knowing he was caged up with the key around my neck sending him dirty texts or forcing him to go watch porn in the bathroom. Him also keeping track of all my bratty ways to give me a punishment when the time was right.

Two years in our lives took us in different directions, a mistake we both regret at this point but can't undo. He moved on but back to hiding who he is. I on the other hand couldn't bottle everything back up. I tried to make things work with someone else, but as much as I liked him he couldn't provide me with what I needed. At that point, I gave up. I decided I wouldn't waste my time with anyone anymore if he wasn't willing to consider any arrangement that didn't leave him in control 24/7. If I couldn't feel safe enough to submit to them I can't be with them and vice versa.

All Things Worn Accepted Me & Encouraged My Kinks

For the last 3 years, I've been abstinent, no dating, no friends with benefits, no nothing. In parts, it has been great. Other times it's a bit lonely. After going through IVF for 2 years I hated my body and the way the meds changed it. Plus nobody was interested in the lady who became so independent she had a baby on her own. That's a beast most of the population isn't willing to attempt to tame. Then I found ATW, a place that accepted me for who I am, even encouraged my kinks. People find me attractive despite my loose skin from weight loss, the stretch mark that I fought hard to earn, and the absence of a uterus that left me feeling less of a woman. I fell in love with the community right away but more importantly, I fell back in love with myself and the parts of me I've kept hidden for too long.

So for now I am an abstinent sex worker. Who knows maybe someday soon that'll change. We don't know what the future holds. My point in all this was if you're struggling to find your place here, make your own space. There's room for everybody. Ignore any negativity, jealousy is the ugliest trait. You don't need to be like the others, you don't have to offer the same things, And just because you may have a similar posting doesn’t always mean you’re copying. Accept whatever it is about you that you think is holding you back, and make that your golden ticket.

Sure I can't offer anyone a used condom or a just fucked thong but I can seduce their mind. I can give them a safe space to test the waters with something they haven't experienced but are very curious about. For those who are questioning or discovering their kinks, do your research and only begin to experience them with a trusted partner. Don't enter into a dynamic with the first local person you find on Fetlife. Be honest about your experience or inexperience. With the wrong partner, you could absolutely hate something, but if they're the right partner that same experience could be mind-blowing.