BDSM: What It's Like To Be a sub

Seller BDSM Dom/sub Sellers’ Perspective BDSM: What It's Like To Be a sub

I’ve had a recent influx of people asking me to be their sub for a few hours or a day, the answer is no. Let me explain why.

I always knew I was a little different from a young age. I had an inquisitive mind and a high sex drive from around the age of 12. I tried to Google a lot of stuff my parents really didn’t want me googling. It added to the thrill and was something I wasn’t supposed to be doing. At this point, I just thought I was like every other young person trying to figure out what’s, what.

I first started watching porn with a particular interest in BDSM porn at around 15. If there was rope and spankings involved, I was watching it. Any movie that had rough/ passionate sex in I would watch over and over just to watch that scene again. The lust and desire to be part of it was exciting. I bought my first toy at 16, I was terrible at using it and always thought I’d get caught, so resorted to more natural methods but it was never enough, just playing or having ‘vanilla sex’.

I started experimenting with partners when I was 18. Light play such as cuffs and spanking whilst being intimate. The reduced control and increased arousal they had from knowing they were in control and causing my pleasure was the start of the end of ‘vanilla sex’ for me.

I struggled after this to connect and resonate unless there was an element of submission on my part and control from him. Each time I’d want more and if I wasn’t getting it then I'd go looking for it. A slippery slope to go down (I learnt the hard way).

Just over 5 years ago I had my first deep dive into BDSM and play sessions. Whilst it was an arousing experience that I knew was only going to make me even more selective, it was still one of the scariest things I’ve ever done.

The intention was a subtle introduction into rope and the D/s dynamic of trust, communication, and play. (play doesn’t always have to involve penetrative sex). However, I’m a little weak when it comes to being dominated, especially when they are an experienced Dom and let's just say I was like a puppy at feeding time. I’ve never looked back.

I’ve always identified as submissive. I don't believe that is ever going to change. I even find it difficult to make some of my own day to day decisions like what to wear, watch and eat, who does what at work etc. Hence why I like it when buyers pick out panties or socks and are very descriptive with what they want (good lord! The thoughts running through my head).

I’ve tried switching, but I don’t like it at all haha. I just feel so awkward and then I get the giggles out of pure embarrassment. So I stick to being a sub, just tell me what you want. I’m a stone-cold pleaser! It gets me going and makes my panties dripping wet. (no seriously).

Submission is a way of life

To me, being submissive isn’t something you pick and choose, it’s not an item you add-in for some bedroom fun, submission/being submissive is a way of life.

Timing and content is appropriate to both persons wants needs and desires and is all about give and take. My first session took weeks to plan and involved a lot of questions! Around 30! What I was willing to do/try, what my hard limits were and even my soft limits. That list would look very different if I did it again now!

My fetishes as a submissive

Each submissive will have their own fetishes within this role. I’m a masochist mainly - I enjoy pain. Impact play, rough sex, bondage and other forms of pain. This includes post-session. The marks and bruises are just as beautiful in the days after play as they were when they were being made. Trying to sit in a comfortable position when my bum is warm and sore is such a turn on. But I also brat out from time to time and love being a little and a rope bunny.

Each Dominant will have their own fetish. One of mine is a Sadist - enjoys inflicting pain within my limits and boundaries. Yes, we push them from time to time. But that’s part of the fun.

The other is a Daddy, he is more about everyday control with a caring side. His pleasure before mine (but his pleasure is also mine as a submissive). I make him coffee, we cuddle and watch tv, go out sometimes. He picks when and where and sometimes even what I wear. But won’t hesitate to punish me if I’m naughty and I’m always rewarded with the good stuff (wink wink). They are my safe place, where I can be unapologetically me. They are there for me 24/7 play session or not.

Neither of them took my submission, I gave it to them. It is a gift, they earned it. At any point, if I do not think they are deserving anymore, I take my submission away. So, who’s really in control in a D/s dynamic?

Enjoy it, explore and have fun. That’s the main goal for anyone into any kind of kink. We don’t shame, we accept and care for each other. “Your kink is not my kink and that’s ok”

But don’t forget to be safe. Understand your body first and what your limits are. Have an in-depth conversation. (One thing they got right in 50 shades) DO NOT play online with someone you have barely known for a few hours. Or someone that says they just want you to complete a few tasks without discussing boundaries, limits and safewords.

No one is an object (unless you’re into the Master/slave dynamic. But again that would be developmental over a period of time.) Anyone that starts a conversation calling you theirs or something degrading or referring to you as a good sub before you’ve connected or played….Red flag!

This is when things become dangerous. It’s also insanely disrespectful. People get hurt and it leaves a lasting impression.

My door (inbox) is always open. I’m happy to chat and answer questions whenever.

Lois19