How ATW Helps Me Deal With Manic Depression

Seller Motivational Sellers’ Perspective How ATW Helps Me Deal With Manic Depression

*Trigger warning - mentions sexual assault*

Hello, my name is Mama_Mari I am 29 years old and a Mexican woman who has Manic Depression. I am writing this blog in order to get my story out there so whoever is struggling with depression like I do, can find some peace in this world.

What is Manic Depression?

Manic Depression is a disorder associated with episodes of mood swings ranging from depressive lows to manic highs. The exact cause of bipolar disorder isn’t known, but a combination of genetics, environment and altered brain structure and chemistry may play a role.

When Was I Diagnosed?

I was diagnosed with Manic Depression as young as 13. Now you may ask, why so young? Well, from 3 years up until 6, I was sexually assaulted by my grandfather. He had no remorse for what he did. He did it front in front of everyone and just threw a blanket over me and told me “let's play a game”. This went on till he passed away when I was 6. Just as I thought my life had become fresh and I was able to breathe and feel good, it didn't!

At the age of 13, I was raped on my way home from a friend's house. A 5-minute walk home. This is when my life took a turn for the worst. I stopped talking, got angry over everything and ruined my relationships and friendships ever since. My mother knew something was wrong due to my lack of motivation in life. She then took me to see a therapist.

From hours to days of none talking sessions. My therapist asked me " Since you won't speak, what will help you?" I then put a song on called "Me and a Gun" by Tori Amos. She listened gave me a look and said “let's call it a night”.

As I walked out of the room my mother walked in. 5 minutes, 10 minutes, then 15 minutes. Waiting for her to walk out of that room. Got nervous. Looked up as I heard the door open. Finally!!! My mother comes and says let's go and get something to eat and see a movie. That night we have never spoken about that day again.

What It's Like Living With Manic Depression!

Fast forward.I was 16 years old making friends in the wrong crowd, drinking smoking sneaking into nightclubs. Waking up at a friend's house with missing pieces of clothing.

17, I started ditching school and selling weed. 18, I met a cousin who moved from South Carolina to California. Sleeping at her house and being best friends, waking up to her brother's hands in my panties. This happened till I finally spoke up at the age of 22.

All of this and no one knew or knows. Keeping it to myself. Cutting myself to let any little pain I had out. Man oh man so much pain I had, pain that turned into hate. Hate that led to running my relationship with my mother. We fought to the death growing up. Putting her through so much because I was ashamed of what happened to me. I couldn't get it out. Couldn't figure out why? Why me I asked? Why anyone? What is it that us women do at such a young age (babies) to make a man look at us as we are their personal toys?

I grew up so angry all the time and ruined every relationship I have ever had. I don't know what love is, how to give it, not even how to accept it. The shame I felt when going around family.

A couple of months later I met a best friend again. We dated and ended up pregnant. Wow, you think what a blessing? No!! I ruined every bit of happiness I had. The depression kicked in so bad. I didn't want to feed or look at my baby. As time went on I told myself I need her more than she needs me. I stepped up to the plate got a job went to school and became the mom I wanted to be for her. My life changed because of her. But at the end of the day, I still have it. So I found a way to cope with it.

Coping With my Depression!

29 years old and now a mother of two. Same dad and same shit as before. He cheats, he lies, I get angry and fight back, cut myself and try to overdose. Till one day I heard the laughing and small little giggles of my daughters playing. Got up off the bathroom floor looked at myself told myself I am not giving up, this depression will not get me!

I took a shower, got all dressed up, did my makeup and took all kinds of pictures of myself. I grabbed my kids and took them. Got in my car and drove to the gas station.

As I was pumping a man walked up to me and said " Excuse me, Miss, you are so beautiful, can I please give you $50 dollars and fill your tank up for some pictures of your feet?" I laughed and said ok that money I don't need to spend and money I didn't have.

So he filed up my tank, gave me $50 dollars and took 5 pictures of my feet and left and went about his day. Two days later I saw him again. He asked me again but this time he wanted a video of me just taking my socks and shoes. Said $100 dollars!!! Ok deal!

I got home and looked up how to sell feet pics. And the first site I saw was ATW!

I read about it, made a profile and just watched for a while. I learned the ways of ATW. Even asked women for help!

As time went on I decided to sell everything! On the first day, I was approached in a message by a man. And the things he told me made me feel special. Idk how to explain but it was as if I was high on the excitement of my first sale. An hour later another message, then another. 4 hours in I am selling like crazy. Trying new kinks and exploring this world.

The feeling that it was giving me was filling a void that I was always hiding. The women who come and message me just to talk about life and give help. The women on here who lift each other up have given me the empowerment that I had never thought I'd have.

It made me feel like I am in charge of my own body. No matter what it is that I have gone through in my past. It's old leave it there and move on. So I did!

And now I wake up every day and see such empowering women. It makes me stronger. I got this and no man will ever take advantage of me again.

The life I live on this site has given me the confidence I was lacking out in the real world. I wake up, do my make-up, grab my purse and say hey girls let's go. Mommy has enough to go to Sea World or the zoo.

This life I have gotten from this is wonderful and I am so thankful for being able to have come across ATW and live free and conquer the world.

I am my own boss here. ATW has become my daily schedule to keep on the right path for myself. If I don't get on it, I feel like oh man, my schedule is falling apart.

But I learned to not let anything stop me from being in my highs and living my life.

ATW taught me so much. Thank you so much for listening!

Love Mama_mari