OCD vs INSECURITY: The Battle I’ve Faced In The Kinky World

530 views 26th Nov 2025

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OCD vs INSECURITY: The Battle I’ve Faced In The Kinky World

The choice to enter this world was an easy one. From interests to money we all have a reason to be here. However, never did I think opening up myself to this sight would unlock an internal mental battle that I am struggling to win. The constant feeling of not being good enough, not looking good enough; paired with the need to have every single thing perfect is a recipe for disaster.

My Diagnosis and Life with OCD

I was diagnosed with ocd and PPMD (pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder) at the age of 15. For those who don’t know, PPMD occurs a week or two before you get your cycle (for me, it is a week before) and leads to some pretty intense mood swings. For me I am either quite depressed or very angry at everything. It’s the worst week for me every month and it’s the time where my ocd is at its peak. I’m suddenly fully overwhelmed and angry at the fact that I can see every little dust particle and no matter how much you clean it doesn’t go away and more dust settles.

Every tiny mark on the wall, every finger print, every crumb. Even something as little as struggling to open a bag of chips will send me into a blind rage and then depression. It’s hard to live with the constant need to have a clean everything and it’s especially hard while having 2 young kids who love to make a mess.

My First Experience Facing The Battle in Kink World

It was a few days after I had made this account. Someone wanted to sext with live pics and vids. No problem, until the photos began and it led me into my first spiral. The angles wrong, it makes me look huge, my boob is looking weird in this shot. Suddenly these ‘live pics’ turned into a mini photo shoot to get one good enough to send.

This is where it started. I already didn’t love myself, that has been there since the beginning. But now the pressure to look good for someone else, especially someone that is paying; a whole other level of self doubt.

Am I Winning The Battle?

I’m not currently. It feels like an endless cycle in my head. I feel sexy, I take a photo, I hate it, there’s always something wrong with it. I take another, and hate that one too. It repeats until I give up and move on.

I know, I know that my buyers love me and how I look. They wouldn’t buy from me otherwise. But even after all that, after the buyer makes me feel good, tells me I’m sexy and come back for more, I spiral of doubt and hatred of myself and the photos I take.

The struggle to love myself after 2 kids. The struggle of making sure everything in and out of this world is perfect. I feel like I’m drowning. The only thing keeping me going is knowing that it is all in my head. I strive every day to feel more confident about myself, and love myself. I strive to learn how to accept myself as not being perfect.

I see everyone else and I think how beautiful everyone is and how everyone deserves all the money and love they get. So why can’t I feel the same way about myself? My short time on ATW has been amazing in so many ways. I’ve met amazing people, made amazing connections. It’s time to start focusing on the connection to myself.

If you are out there struggling with yourself, know you’re not alone, but you are amazing and deserve the world.

Join us for free and start your journey!