My Journey As A Transgender FTM Bigender.

Seller Sellers’ Perspective My Journey As A Transgender FTM Bigender.

How ATW Helped Me Accept and Love Myself

Hi, lovelies! I go by FemboyLace on ATW! My pronouns are he/she. You may use them interchangeably for me depending on what I wear! (If I’m wearing women’s clothes you can call me whatever, when I’m wearing men’s clothes refer me to as he only.) I’m a FtM bigender human of trans experience, meaning I was assigned female at birth and transitioned and identified differently later in life.

I am on testosterone (for about a year now) and had top surgery (removal of the female chest) but no bottom surgery. I identify as both male and female at the same time. I am 30 years old and live in the United States. I am a very kinky person lol. I pretty much sell most things on here, physical, digital items, and services. I do not sell bras, however.

My Transgender Journey, How I Came To Be

I started my trans journey in 2020 when the pandemic first happened. My area went on full lockdown and we were all forced to work at home. At the time I was working a boring office sales job. I really didn’t like what I was doing and when I wasn’t at the office, I was out usually mingling with people. However, due to the lockdown, I was unable to escape so to speak, to the places I usually went. Thus, I was forced to be at home like so many of us to brew in my own thoughts.

At this time I was unable to ignore my thoughts any longer. I began searching for answers and ended up attending a local online LGBT support group. Through the people I met and the friendships I made, I realized I was transgender. I realized I had been feeling gender dysphoria (distress in response to an incongruence between one’s gender in the mind and physical body).

I realized (at the time) I was actually a man and not a woman. I felt relieved to have discovered this new fact about me. I began looking for ways to transition. I also decided to come out and through the process lost all my old friends. It was a very hard deliberating beginning. But I knew what I wanted.

I began using a new preferred name, looking into taking testosterone and getting top surgery. I identified as a transman/man. In 2021 I made an appointment with my doctor to start the process. It wasn’t easy but I finally was able to start testosterone! It was a relief and I felt very happy in doing so. I experienced lots of gender euphoria and was more comfortable with myself.

I overhauled my wardrobe. Bought a lot of men’s clothing and donated most of my women’s clothing. I started the process for top surgery. Every change brought me immense joy. I was happy with how things were going, but I still had crippling dysphoria because I hated the bottom parts I was born with.

Fast forward to 2022, I finally had top surgery! The recovery was hard at first but it got easier. I finally was able to recover and be myself. The joy was there and I felt lots of gender euphoria! My chest had been the biggest source of dysphoria and now I was finally content.

Even so, I still hated the bottom parts I was born with. I wanted to get a hysterectomy and bottom surgery (construction of a male penis and bottom). But as time went on, I started getting involved in the femboy community. I met a lot of femboys online that helped me express myself differently.

Thus again, I was conflicted about how I felt. I really wanted to be a femboy so I started to dress more feminine. I felt this sense of freedom that I no longer had dysphoria regarding my chest. I bought a few more female clothing items to add to my wardrobe. As time went on, I realized something was different. I liked being called a girl and princess which I was taken aback by at first. I also liked being addressed as she/her at times. This made me rethink how I identified. I talked to a close trans friend of mine and researched online for some answers. I came to the conclusion that I identified as bigender. I realized my identity as a transman did not fit me so to speak.

How ATW Taught Me To Love Myself

As an afab person, I’ve experienced a lot of trauma regarding my bottom body parts. I’ve been sexually assaulted several times by previous partners. Thus I never loved how I am down there. I truly had never loved or accepted myself. When I came out as trans, I had conflicted my trauma with gender dysphoria. I wanted to get rid of what was causing me distress so to speak.

Even when I came out as bigender and identified as both a man and woman, I still did not explore myself. I didn’t love myself because I felt I was damaged and no one would love me.

I’ve only been on ATW for a short time. And during my short time, I made my first sale and had lots of people both buyers and sellers talk to me. I post often on the dash and interact with everyone. All the lovely buyers and sellers make me feel accepted. No one judges you or shames you for just being you. I am my authentic self when I make content for my buyers. Seeing all sorts of folks on the dash makes me feel confident that I can just be myself here.

Making content for my buyers and interacting with sellers has helped me boost my confidence. It helped me feel sexy when I’ve never felt that way before or felt I was deserving of that. I’m slowly, but surely starting to love and accept myself more, just the way I am. I’m excited to make more content for my buyers!

My DMs are always open if anyone wants to get to know me.

XoXo

FemboyLace