To My Body, I'm Sorry

SideshowZO By SideshowZO 1229 views

Seller Motivational Sellers’ Perspective
To My Body, I'm Sorry

So this will be my first-ever blog post on anything!! Exciting and nervous... I wrote this last year and I came across it and read it out to my friend. I was fine until part 3 and the tears started to flow at how much I have grown within myself since then.

So my first blog post here is a heartfelt one and will not be the only one, I plan to do a follow-up on how my journey in this community has helped me grow further in my short month here. So here we go…

Oh and I’m Zoë and it took me 30 years to love myself...

It’s amazing the benefits of feeling good about yourself are physical and mental. I don’t think it’s as widely spoken about as it should be. Since the 23rd of April, I’ve had consistently good days, not one bad one, which is amazing for me!

Not for any reason or anything happening to start this off, it just kinda happened. I’ve had a horrible year so this happening was definitely not in my sight or mind. A month ago I was ready for bashing my head against a wall with stress and a bad mentality, ready for yet another breakdown.

So yes I’d be lying if I said I haven’t been waiting for the dreaded crash, but it’s nowhere in sight! This past three weeks I feel good about myself, I don’t dread each day anymore.

Although one thing I didn’t expect to happen, for a week and a half now I’ve been eating guilt-free. I’m still not eating the amount of food I should be, but the fact I’ve been eating guilt free is shocking.

I’ve suffered from an eating disorder since I was 15, nearly 14 years. I had made peace with the fact I will probably always suffer from my eating so I try not to let my eating bother me anymore.

I’m amazed that I’ve just been eating what I want and not feeling guilty about it, not worrying if I’ve put weight on because of that meal. Before these past few weeks, I would have stood before the mirror dissecting my whole body looking for imperfections or lumpy bits showing, parts of me that I hate that other people could potentially see when I left the house. Changing between multiple outfits, often making myself late for whatever I’ve planned because I’ve just criticised myself to the point I hate what I see even more.

Now I’ve thrown clothes on, quick outfit checks in the mirror and just leaving, no hate, no judgement, just ‘I look good today ’ A phenomenal achievement if you ask me! No help from professionals, I did this MYSELF!

More Than a Number on the Scales

Without even realising I was going through the process! I don’t even care what number the scales say anymore because I feel good! It really is true when they say don’t go by the number the scales say, go by how you feel.

I always thought a lower number meant the happier I would be. Yes, I still have some hips and a little belly, but who cares?! My weight doesn’t define me, my shape doesn’t define me, my size doesn’t define me, the clothes size I wear doesn’t define me, it’s a piece of fabric that covers my naked body, simples.

I don’t dress to hide my body anymore, I wear what I feel comfortable in. This body has kept me alive, it was home to my son and delivered him to the world safely. Why has it taken me nearly 14 years and 5 years postnatal to realise my body is a temple before and after giving birth to my son? I hated my postnatal body with a passion and I look back with a lot of sadness and hurt.

This is me saying sorry to my body for all the intentional hurt I’ve caused it. The physical pain, the emotional pain, I’m sorry. I now realise that I am great, people deserve to get to know me and I don’t have to hide away in fear if someone doesn’t like me. If you don’t like me, that’s okay, not everyone’s energies are gonna match. If we drift apart, that’s also okay, we served a purpose in each other's lives and that purpose has been fulfilled.

Our energies just don’t coexist together anymore. To anyone I’ve drifted from I wish you well and to have a happy life and to succeed in anything you pursue. I'm not afraid to reach out to new people and make new friends now, I feel like I’m winning at life for the first time ever. I want everyone around me to feel like this and I want to help anyone who is willing to let me help them become happy within themselves!

No one deserves to feel how I’ve felt about myself for half my existence! I’ve missed out on so many opportunities because of this and I do not want other people to do the same! I am immensely proud of myself and my attainment.

Thank you for reading and if you need any support, if you feel any way like I have, please reach out.

Much love, Zoë - sideshowZO


By SideshowZO

✨ I’m Zo ☀️ Northern Irish ☘️ Fur mommy Human mommy - naturally birthed but kept my tight 🐱 I taste great 😋😋 - tried and tested ☝️ IYKWIM I deserve to be wanted, I am...

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